You being unnecessarily aggressive does not intimidate me. I simply didn’t appreciate the tone because when you act that way all you’re showing is that you can’t have a civil discussion.
And I agree that there are no shortcuts to socializing. But this “go out there and date” advice isn’t going to help anyone. It’s like telling someone living their car “just build a house”. It does nothing in regards to helping them figure out how to do that.
And I’m not sure what you’re even complaining about regarding dating apps. The date isn’t happening in the app. In the end they still have to go out there and date, the dating app simply helps them get to that step. The dating app replaces only the “asking someone out” step, not the actual date itself. It takes a small step out of the whole dating process and you’re acting like that’s the entire problem. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if you physically asked someone out or if you matched on Tinder and asked them out, because when it comes to the actual date you still have to put yourself out there. Unless the online dating has warped into something completely different within the last 10 years they still need to learn how to have a conversation, how to pick up cues and find the confidence to make a move. The only thing online dating changes is that people don’t need to take a rejection straight to their face and get embarrassed into never trying again.
The dating app replaces only the “asking someone out” step, not the actual date itself.
I want to nitpick on this, because I’m told a lot of people use these apps, match, and then never actually ask the other person out. They then are sometimes puzzled why they’re not going on dates.
The only thing online dating changes is that people don’t need to take a rejection straight to their face and get embarrassed into never trying again.
It also helps filter out “oh, she doesn’t date men”, “wow, he’s anti-vax”, “he doesn’t want kids, ever, and i do” kind of stuff. At least, when the app is working and not fully enshittified. That stuff is valuable.
I want to nitpick on this, because I’m told a lot of people use these apps, match, and then never actually ask the other person out. They then are sometimes puzzled why they’re not going on dates.
I’m not sure if you’re implying they’re the same person, as in they won’t ask anyone out and then wonder why nobody goes out with them? Because that I can’t really explain. I guess maybe they’re shy or they think the other person should be asking them out, but if you’re going to leave it solely to chance then you have to accept that there’s a chance you never get asked out. But if someone is thinks they’re trying but it just doesn’t happen, then that needs a more deeper dive into why it wouldn’t happen. From my experience most of the time the people I didn’t go out with were people who were closed off, so my most general advice in that case would be to try to be more open. Nobody wants to pry answers out of you. Talk about yourself, or if you don’t like talking about yourself be more proactive in getting to know the other person. Be interested in them and let them be interested in you.
It also helps filter out “oh, she doesn’t date men”, “wow, he’s anti-vax”, “he doesn’t want kids, ever, and i do” kind of stuff. At least, when the app is working and not fully enshittified. That stuff is valuable.
That as well. Some people put in their bios clear no-nos and I think that’s great.
You being unnecessarily aggressive does not intimidate me. I simply didn’t appreciate the tone because when you act that way all you’re showing is that you can’t have a civil discussion.
And I agree that there are no shortcuts to socializing. But this “go out there and date” advice isn’t going to help anyone. It’s like telling someone living their car “just build a house”. It does nothing in regards to helping them figure out how to do that.
And I’m not sure what you’re even complaining about regarding dating apps. The date isn’t happening in the app. In the end they still have to go out there and date, the dating app simply helps them get to that step. The dating app replaces only the “asking someone out” step, not the actual date itself. It takes a small step out of the whole dating process and you’re acting like that’s the entire problem. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if you physically asked someone out or if you matched on Tinder and asked them out, because when it comes to the actual date you still have to put yourself out there. Unless the online dating has warped into something completely different within the last 10 years they still need to learn how to have a conversation, how to pick up cues and find the confidence to make a move. The only thing online dating changes is that people don’t need to take a rejection straight to their face and get embarrassed into never trying again.
I want to nitpick on this, because I’m told a lot of people use these apps, match, and then never actually ask the other person out. They then are sometimes puzzled why they’re not going on dates.
It also helps filter out “oh, she doesn’t date men”, “wow, he’s anti-vax”, “he doesn’t want kids, ever, and i do” kind of stuff. At least, when the app is working and not fully enshittified. That stuff is valuable.
Sorry for the nitpicks. Good post though, thanks.
I’m not sure if you’re implying they’re the same person, as in they won’t ask anyone out and then wonder why nobody goes out with them? Because that I can’t really explain. I guess maybe they’re shy or they think the other person should be asking them out, but if you’re going to leave it solely to chance then you have to accept that there’s a chance you never get asked out. But if someone is thinks they’re trying but it just doesn’t happen, then that needs a more deeper dive into why it wouldn’t happen. From my experience most of the time the people I didn’t go out with were people who were closed off, so my most general advice in that case would be to try to be more open. Nobody wants to pry answers out of you. Talk about yourself, or if you don’t like talking about yourself be more proactive in getting to know the other person. Be interested in them and let them be interested in you.
That as well. Some people put in their bios clear no-nos and I think that’s great.