Ok, a little bit of context before I get into this. Go grab a snack, a drink, and maybe a joint if you’re feeling froggy. This one’s gonna be a doozy!

So, in real life, my hero, my grandmother, died in Oct 2023. It’s one of those things where you know it’s gotta come soon. She was 103. just a few months from 104. So, you knew it was coming, just not sure when. So my aunt, having already hit retirement age, decided to be a live-in assistant for my grandma. Doing everything she could the last 5 years of my grandmothers life to make life accessible for her. Just doing everything she could to help her mom.

As all of this is happening, I’m in the middle of a battle with cancer that came out of nowhere, and almost killed me without me having a clue anything was wrong. So I didn’t tell my grandma I had cancer. She was a very very empathetic person, and at her age I was treating her like fragile glass. Last thing I wanted was to tell her I was battling for life, and wasn’t at work for the past year. If you knew her, you’d know that news would have crushed her. She would have cried, and she’d have done something drastic to make sure I was ok, as she herself was on deaths doorstep. I didn’t want to worry her, so I never told her I had cancer.

Then, after she died, my aunt and I dealt with the aftermath. I cleaned her condo. My aunt handled finances and last will stuff. I got the condo ready to be sold. Those months were quite emotional. I’d be cleaning out a drawer, and find a picture of (insert family event from random year in the past 80 years). And if I were alive for that picture, I’d instantly know what it was, because I was there. If I wasn’t yet born for that picture, I could kind of gather some context from things in the picture. There was one where my grandfather had a stupid hat on, and he was clearly agitated. But not in an angry way. More like in a “Oh…I guess THIS is happening now. You kids…” kind of way. Like he was rolling his eyes at the situation, but clearly had a love for his family having a good time. So you see him in the foreground, clearly the focus. You also see behind him my 3 aunts, and my dad, all aged 8-12 laughing at the stupid hat in the background. Then, up in the corner, probably not even supposed to be in the picture is my grandmother, standing in the doorway, drinking a cup of tea, smiling. On the side of the picture I see some ripped wrapping paper, suggesting this was after some presents had been opened. So either christmas, or maybe a birthday. I would guess birthday, because my grandfather LOVED decorating the house for christmas. If it was christmas, I’m sure there would have been other clues throughout the picture of decorations.

So that’s what we did for about 4 months.

Ok, now onto the REAL post! I just needed you to have some context going in so you’re not totally lost.

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Ok, so I just woke up, and I had a very strange dream. My aunt and I were catching a train to go visit my grandma. The dream is clearly set AFTER my grandma died, and the tone of the dream made it seem like we were doing some paranormal stuff. Like getting a day pass to go visit your loved ones in the afterlife, but then coming back to earth and still being alive afterwards. And like…this was just a service you could do from Amtrak. Typing it now, sounds insane, but in the dream it was well established and understood that this was just a thing you could do. Like ordering chinese food, or buying a boat. It’s just something that you can do, that has a process for how to do it.

And so we gotta go to this train station at like 7am, right? But for some reason, we’re lost, and we got to a concert at 11pm. But now there’s train tracks running through the concert venue. And for some reason ICP is a cover band, who exclusively sings Alannis Moresette songs now. All while every few minutes a train runs right across the stage, killing anyone in the crowd on the tracks.

So then my aunt is wandering around, and somehow found a giant trombone. And she uses it to be the marching band to help people find the womens bathroom. That’s when the meteors started falling from the sky, and crushing cars, And ICP just said “Oh fuck this, we out bitches!” and ran off the stage like scooby doo. And when they got off stage they were in a hallway with 6 doors. 3 on each side. And then they started going in and out of doorways and causing general chaos.

And that’s when I got a text message that OUR train was going to be there in 5 minutes. We needed to jump on the train. But I couldn’t get my aunt out of the bathroom. She was just pooping, and playing the trambone. And our train was almost here. I was like “C’MON!!! THE TRAIN IS COMING!!!” and she’s just in there BRRR BRRR BRRR BRRR BRRRR fart BRRRR fart BRRRR BRRR fart BRRRRR!!!

And then our train went by. and the skys clouds turned into my grandmas face, disappointed that we weren’t coming to see her. All because she couldn’t get out of the bathroom.

So then I wake up, and I’m angry. My grandma was disappointed in me for something I had no control of! So now I want to yell at my aunt. But do you have ANY idea how crazy I’d be if I called her at 4am, and just started yelling “WHY CAN’T YOU PLAY TRAMBONE ON YOUR OWN TIME??? I WANTED TO SEE GRAM!!! BUT NOOOOO!!! YOU COULDN’T CATCH THE TRAIN AT THE ICP CONCERT!!!”

And I feel like explaining the dream BEFORE I yell at her, is going to make me sound even MORE crazy!!!

So I can’t yell at her for things that didn’t happen, and that she didn’t do. But still…what am I supposed to do with these angry feelings that I wake up with? I’m just supposed to accept the fact that even before I wake up, my day is already off to an angry pissed off start? What kind of bullshit is that???

Ok, ok. What if I bought a trambone, went to my aunts house, rang the doorbell, and then when she answers the door make a mad rush for her bathroom, lock myself in, and play the trambone. Maybe I hire someone to come over to her house and play with model trains? I don’t know…does anyone know ICP? Maybe I could hire them to come over to my aunts house and sing a duet of “Isn’t it ironic?” on her doorstep, with no explanation.

But the worst part is, just typing this up, I’m in tears, just remembering a lot of those photos I went through. My grandma sure loved photos. She said “I love so many photos, because it reminds me of how many good people I have in my life.” Then you’d look through her photos and at least 80% of them are family. Some of the people aren’t family, and I didn’t recognize. I’d be like “Oh, it’s Gram, and…some guy. In what looks like the 1950s.”

And then others I’d be like “Oh, this is back in 2012 when the ice bucket challenge was a thing, and Shawn decided to try it…and there’s A, running away.” I even found pictures of my own graduation from high school.

It’s crazy how so many memories can just vanish, because a person dies. There are customs and traditions that people did in the year 800, that we’ve never heard about. Lost to time completely, that we’ll NEVER know happened. Maybe people used to rub berries on their faces on their birthday. Maybe not, but you don’t know. I don’t know either. Nobody does. And it’s because all the memories of those people are gone. And one day we’ll be gone. And there I was just sitting in a room sorting through photos. Sorting through someones memories spanning decades. And now my aunt has them. But one day she’ll die. And I assume it’ll be her son/daughter/me sorting through her last wishes. And then one day I’ll die. Except I don’t have kids. Or a wife. So I assume my stuff will just be sold off to bidders I guess?

Yeah. Now you can see how my brain works, and why I want to go yell at my aunt for missing the train. I’m getting pissed off and emotional before I even wake up. But I can’t, because that’s crazy.