My last relationship was abusive and he said so many awful things about me. I can’t help but think they’re true.

I really feel worthless now. I have never had super great luck with relationships, but this is the most abusive one I have been in. Yet he made me feel like I deserve being treated like total garbage, because according to him I am garbage.

I never cheated on him or even spoke to other men. Idk what to do anymore. I’m trying to focus on my life but I feel like I’m in a toxic environment overall and I can’t leave it anytime soon. It’s extremely difficult to stay positive. I feel like everyone in the country I moved to either hates me or couldn’t care less if I died.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve had a positive interaction here, or anyone has tried to help me in any way or be nice. Where I used to live, people would hold the door for me, because they wanted to spread joy (obviously I would do nice things for people too and still try to). Or for example they would let you go before them if you only have one item or even just to be nice.

Here any time I’ve even attempted to speak to someone they always seem super disinterested, every time. Like I’m pulling teeth. I’m not even annoying about it or trying to push anything, it might be something going on in the store that is relevant to the person beside me for example.

Not to mention the cashiers, which at this point are the only people I interact with, are 9/10 times aggressive towards me. They glare at me, act super rude, literally throw my items. I know life isn’t fair but wtf have I done to deserve any of this.

Also I’m genuinely starting to think I might really be unloveable. Whenever I mention the concern of never finding love to anyone, they tell me I don’t need that to be happy, and I know that’s true but it doesn’t make me feel any better. It sucks feeling like you don’t matter at all on earth, and not only that but you’re just a punching bag for people’s misery.