The poor Onion can only tell actual news stories now

It’s for tracking “undesirables”

But first add quotation marks around knows and then it’s fine

Nyoom!

Who still has any trust in us outside of other fascists and autocrats?

Good on you Van Hollen actually going to check if he was alive and not leaving until you got it. Now if only all democrats had the fucking balls to step up

I’m just sitting here watching the end of the world

Yeah it’s just full on dystopia

No shit

Approximately -45%

We all know the worst thing to hear when your underage is mild swears!

Verbal abuse though? That’s fine!

/s obviously

2 might be generous

I’ll miss you free weather reports

Also during tornado season

And then Cuck Schumer votes to send all LGBTQ+ folx to extermination camps

And in other news fire is hot, house cats are an invasive species, and native grasses are stripped out and replaced foreign grass because it looks greener. More at 11.

And that’s what you get for visiting the white supremacist house

And nothing of value was lost

That’s bonus points, Thatcher is the second target

Might be a bit generous