Thank you so much for your advice! Your comment reminded me of a rather key moment that happened:

He and his friend picked a guy to matchmake me with, I said he’s not my type, to which my crush asked “who is your type?” but I didn’t get a chance to respond because his friend interrupted. Right after that, he called me bro again, and I asked him straight up “Do you see me as a bro?” He clammed up and seemed like he wanted to say something more, but just said “What?” while smiling after a silence, and I said “What?” back. At one point, we were almost cuddling and his voice got cute/soft; he also initiated a hug late that night.

I like the idea of asking our mutual friend to help me out and ask him directly if he’s interested in me that way. I’ve already chatted with his friend, hinting at my feelings, but I haven’t asked him to open the dialogue on their side. His friend seems very supportive and said that we would be a cute couple together. For additional context, he also did mention that the earliest he will start dating is after this strenuous work period which goes until mid-December. Given the timeline, do you think this should be as soon as the work wraps up right before the holidays, or wait until next year? Not sure if I can keep waiting in frustration especially wanting to make the most of the time off.

Thank you so much. I agree and it’s just that we have to be on good terms with one another in this program and be nice on the surface even if maybe we don’t like certain people. Question now is what should I, and we collectively as a group, do? If you can share insight on my questions in the post specifically regarding next steps, it will be so helpful.

Thank you for sharing. Does that change at all if we are not currently at a workplace as in a company, but it is still a professional career-oriented program? I’m really not sure where else I am supposed to find a partner if not at a place where everyone is around the same age and well-rounded, especially when there’s this time constraint. Dating is difficult!

I agree, thank you for sharing!

Any advice or suggestions on how to handle this situation? It is getting increasingly weirder and I want to do what I can to salvage it or at least not be distracted by all this.

There are two girls. One is the mystery girl he said he thinks he likes. She’s not as important in this context. Ann, the girl I was closer to in the beginning, is the one that I have an issue with now. She got too comfortable and started spewing negativity in the group text we share with this other female friend of ours (not mentioned in post). She complained a lot so I responded less and less. She always tried to get our mutual friend to listen to her and actively went against my suggestions because she herself is so insecure. She said hi from behind me but I didn’t see who she was with (it was Bob/Ed and she didn’t bother to even clue me in, knowing I would’ve wanted to say hi). She never sits with the guys when I initiate it, but always likes to sit with them when she herself brings them together. After I created this chat, which by the way was so spontaneous and based on the guys I was sitting with (which I thought she was going to join us too), she then lied about sitting with our mutual friend in a class whereas that did not happen. So I think that’s enough strikes and it doesn’t mean crap if we happened to spend a bit of time before even officially starting the program.

I know it’s confusing but I feel the need to clarify after reading your comment. Thank you for sharing first of all. It was not that I wanted to exclude her due to competition over him. In fact, I asked him enthusiastically wanting to know who he liked at that time, and therefore who he was considering bringing in. We were basically bros at that point and I hadn’t thought of him that way at all. He didn’t want to speak too soon and said he’ll see how things unfold. I actually figured it out later on, when she was flirting with one of the guys from our group, and vice versa. He saw all of this and looked pretty bummed. So I would be a hypocrite if I expected drama free space with the bros yet actively instigated drama, which I do not believe I am? Just trying to understand, based on the definition of hypocrisy.

So, should I tell them the truth? Or at least the one I like? I did mention that I spent more time with them in the past before I had a chance to branch out more and meet new people which is what I always like to do.

Thank you so much! I’m afraid the updates might change your take? It’s a personal group text with all of them, and it’s getting weird. I don’t know how to salvage this. I want to be friends and stay professional overall, while tapping into potential with the guy I like, but then again I don’t know if it’s time for me to just distance myself from the group. He also doesn’t really text me individually and hasn’t asked me to spend time one on one, so I fear the group text prevents this.

I would certainly say so. I’ve added more context above and my head gets jumbled when I meet with the guys. I do feel this awkwardness stemming from how the group text started, and pressure to add a girl, and that we’re all just trying to make it work. But I’m not sure if it’s just me reading too much into it or my romantic feelings getting in the way?

Please see updates in the post. I would really appreciate your advice here!

I hear you and that’s always wise, but I’m really not sure where I’m supposed to meet someone. At extracurricular clubs or people from completely other professional teams at this organization?

Thank you for sharing. I’m struggling because his friend is one of my closest friends, and I don’t want to jeopardize that. I feel like I did start to get emotionally attached during my deep conversation with his friend yesterday. Do you think it’s not a good idea because they’re such best buddies and will put bro code above me? Should I talk to his friend today when we’re one on one in person? If so, what should I even say without obliterating all potential of friendship developing into something more with him (the friend)? There are a lot of politics here too so whatever happens, we all need to at least be on good terms with each other.

I am so uncomfortable because of the new developments! He not only called but Facetimed me, and obviously does not want to have a trail. I am glad he ignored the reply I sent back via work email at the time but I thought that was it and he has resurfaced. What are your thoughts on the new developments described in my response to Aphelion above? This is so uncomfortable and I feel trapped!

Thank you for your advice. I liked your suggestion and did exactly this, even including a more distant salutation and explicitly saying “Farewell” whereas in my mass email to the whole group, I stated this isn’t Farewell. He ignored my email thankfully, however he has called me again recently after I met Ann to thank her for her help. What are your thoughts on the new developments described in my response to Aphelion above? This is so uncomfortable and I feel trapped!

Not the same person but I don’t know if that makes this better or worse, girl. And I’m fully aware my dating record so far has potential for a pretty profitable heartbreak podcast :'( Narcissist, tortured bad boy, lovebombers, guy who dumps me right before my favorite holiday, middle aged coworker who almost kidnaps me (we weren’t dating, but damn).

It helped so much to imagine everything without the sparkly tingly feels. Frightening. I agree it was moving way too fast from his side and I truly hope he finds the resources to heal. I told him he deserves happiness and hope he stays well. I’ll think about him time to time from afar. Unable to be with him, unable to forget him. That’s the way it goes. Thank you for your help, friend

I will say while the harassment wasn’t in the sense of bossman asking for a quickie in his office - the harassment was clear with sexual undertone. For more context, we went on a work trip where it was supposed to be all 3 of us there overnight. Ann bailed (no surprise there), so I was forced to be there with Ned. I wanted to go to a cheaper hotel and made it clear I was content staying there myself while he went elsewhere, and Ned kept pressuring me to get this fancy hotel, same one as him. He rented this bright colored trendy car (not the norm for business trips) and said he thought it would look better/more impressive. I instantly thought “Who cares? We are here for work.” It clearly wasn’t for the client because he purposefully parked far away so they wouldn’t see (suspicious in and of itself). He wanted me to go to dinner (with his friend, but still) and randomly claimed he forgot to pack the most essential things and wanted me to go to not one, but two, stores with him. I was so pissed when he kept pressuring me to order a more expensive dish to share and got upset when I didn’t. We got back to the hotel around 10:30pm or even later. Constantly cracking dumb jokes trying to make me laugh. So yes I think the look in his eye wasn’t innocent warmth and longing. I sat in that car and went with his shenanigans because it was a work trip. Some people might be ok with this shit. I’m not some people. As for dramatic, I’ll take it over keeping silent over this misogynistic treatment that has no place in any community.

Is it possible this could change the severity of the reactions, such as HR and police involvement? The car was parked and I technically could have bailed in the middle of their sentence, so it wasn’t like they were forcefully shackling me or operating a moving vehicle. Any legal professionals able to comment? At any rate, that is exactly what he is doing - feeding toxic culture by snitching to Ann that I ignored whatever attempt he did to reach me again - and then she went and told our other coworker that I mentioned. Unbelievable, toxic culture.

I agree, thank you! I started doing that when he was harassing me about printing months ago. It was such a ridiculous question. He asked me where in the office the printers are. They are literally everywhere. And he has been there before. There is a huge map at the entrance. Also I was not even on the floor, nor am I Maintenance. I emailed back something like “I missed the text you had sent on the weekend. There are printers near each of the supplies areas on the floor.”

Thank you! How should I phrase it to be professional yet assertive? I admittedly sometimes sound “nice” when I’m trying to set boundaries but clearly that hasn’t been working with him and he does not seem to respect me.

Thank you so much for the thoughtful insight! It’s funny in a not so funny way how growing up I was like of course I will eventually settle down, get married, and procreate. Probably meet a “one” by 22, 23 and marry a few years later. Yeah that sounds like a great plan. And then reality hit, including a pandemic. Long story short, I’m not sure if I want kids and can’t fathom all the work that comes with that but I’m also not closing the door on it.

8 billion humans yet the ones I’ve tried loving were either emotionally unavailable, looking for something different, or a narcissist (most recent and hurt the most even after all the other boys). It almost makes me wonder if I’m incompatible with a relationship.

I appreciate the safe space and validation to forget what I think I should do and prioritize what I want to do. I probably sound really dark about this topic but it helps having support from kind samaritans like you. We’ll see what happens. If you don’t mind me asking, did this all work out for you? Winding road or fairly easy?