Thank you this genuinely gives me some hope. i think i’ve been so focused on getting my old self back that i forgot i can rediscover myself in a new way too. i’ll try taking small steps and finding joy in little things again. hopefully, someday this won’t hurt as much.

yeah, i’ve dm’d you. we can talk there.

Thank you, honestly. it means a lot that you’re willing to listen without judging me. i’m still trying to figure things out and find myself again, but having someone remind me that i’ll be okay someday really helps.

You r a fool lol dont ever try to reply under my post

Your whole reply felt unclear and messy.

Also I’m using Lemmy for the first time. I used Reddit before, but my account got banned because I used the word sex so I can’t use that account anymore. That’s why I’m being cautious this time. Also, decency matters sometimes lol…

And honestly, your whole reply felt like you were blaming me for a pathetic jerk’s actions, as if I were the one who pleaded with him to stay and had so many red flags…

He cheated on me, and I was the one who got hurt. I know I became anxious and begged him to stay, but that doesn’t make me responsible for his decision to cheat. Every time he broke up with me, he came back promising that he loved me even more and that his feelings were getting stronger. I believed him and kept giving him chances, only for the same cycle to repeat. You can point out my mistakes, but please don’t ignore what he did to me. And about the word sex, this platform may have rules like other apps, so I chose to write it that way. Otherwise, I’m open to discussing anything. Why would I be afraid or ashamed of the word? I was simply being cautious. I can acknowledge that I became emotionally dependent and struggled with trust, but that doesn’t mean I deserved to be cheated on or that everything was my fault. I was trying to save a relationship with someone I genuinely loved. I wasn’t perfect, but I wasn’t wrong for expecting loyalty, honesty, and consistency from my partner.

You’re absolutely right. Thank you so much for taking the time to explain all this to me. I think I became so attached to him that I kept ignoring the unhealthy patterns and holding on to his promises. I really need to stop focusing on what he’s doing and start focusing on myself. Your words have given me a lot to think about, and I hope I can heal, rebuild my self esteem, and learn to recognize healthy love before getting into another relationship. Thank you for sharing your experience with me❤️

Thank you so much for your kind words❤️ I was literally starting to believe that losing him was the biggest regret of my life because I thought he was the one and that everything was my fault. I’ve been blaming myself so much, wondering if things would have worked out if I’d done things differently. But reading your comment made me feel a little better and reminded me that there’s still so much life ahead of me. I genuinely needed to hear this today. Thank you for giving me a little hope when I was feeling so lost… I hope you always stay happy:)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. ❤️ Your words genuinely mean a lot to me, especially the part about not letting one person dictate how I see myself. I think I’ve started measuring my worth through his actions, and that’s something I really need to work on. The dishonesty hurt me deeply because I trusted him and genuinely believed in the future he promised me.

I don’t have many people to turn to right now, so reading kind words like yours helps more than you might realise. I’ll definitely look into the book you mentioned. My exams are approaching, and I really want to get my focus back and slowly rebuild myself. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve to see myself with the same kindness that others might see in me.

22F

Yes you’re right. I think deep down, I have this feeling that he didn’t love me as much as I loved him. If he truly loved me, I keep wondering why he repeatedly threatened to leave me and left me crying all those nights, begging him to stay and unable to sleep. And why would he cheat and sext other girls while being in a relationship with me? I know I’ll never fully understand what was going on in his mind, but it’s so hard to accept that someone I loved so deeply could make those choices.

Yes, I understand what you mean, but some people are saying we had an anxious avoidant attachment dynamic. I was anxious and emotionally dependent, while he needed space and became distant. He did care for me in some ways, and when I begged him to stay, he sometimes did, which makes me wonder if he genuinely loved me or stayed because he felt guilty. I’m honestly confused about how much of this was our unhealthy dynamic and how much was his own choices.But why did he cheat on me if he truly loved me? I cried on his shoulder and begged him to stay on our last day together, even after discovering his betrayal.

Yes He even said things like my girlfriend is innocent and cute, but lately I haven’t been feeling that much love for her. I feel more like her counsellor whenever she’s sad because she’s an emotional person. And meanwhile, he was talking about how he bought premium on a dating app and how to talk to other girls.

Was our breakup my fault? If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful. One more personal thing after I caught him cheating, I begged him to stay and offered to be intimate with him for the first time. He initially said no, but later agreed. We were intimate for two days, and after he went back to his city, he told me he hadn’t actually wanted to but had done it because he didn’t want me to feel bad about him leaving just for … He also said he didn’t really enjoy it, and that hurt me a lot.

The truth is, he wasn’t the one who finally ended things. I was so depressed by the repeated threats of him leaving that I eventually told my family what was happening. I had been pleading with him to stay, and he kept coming back, making promises and giving me hope. But after discovering what he had been doing, I finally decided to end the relationship. He blamed my trust issues and emotional dependency, but his repeated breakup threats had also contributed to my fear of losing him. It’s been 33 days of no contact, and I still love him and keep wondering why I wasn’t enough when I was genuinely loyal to him

Yrs u r right…Thank you for taking the time to explain things to me and listen to my story

Thank you for taking the time to explain things to me and listen to my story. I really appreciate your patience and the way you helped me understand my situation better. your conversation genuinely means a lot to me.

He was the one who proposed to me first, telling me how much he loved me, and I accepted his proposal. Everything was going smoothly. Then, after his birthday, he told me he was feeling emotionally drained and wanted to break up with me. This was the first time I pleaded and begged him to stay. The next day, he agreed to stay, and things became lovey-dovey again.

The second time, he said he couldn’t commit to me because of his family. I cried and begged him to stay, but eventually, I accepted the situation. After that, we took some space, and a month later, he came back and confessed his love for me again. He said he wanted to commit to me and spend his whole life with me.

After that, everything was going fine again. The third breakup happened when he said he was exhausted and was the kind of person who couldn’t feel love every day. He said I was too emotional, needed reassurance, and was emotionally dependent on him. But the main reason I kept asking for reassurance was that he had already threatened to leave me twice. I was afraid he would leave again because he had already done it before.

As for emotional dependency, he was the kind of person who could spend an entire day alone without texting or calling me. Whenever we talked, i was usually the one who initiated the conversation.

The fourth breakup happened when he was talking to other girls. Everything seemed fine, but I noticed that he was becoming distant. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, so I asked him what was going on and how he was feeling. He then told me he wanted to break up because I seemed like AI, we lived far away from each other, and he needed an emotional connection. He wanted a girl he could hug and someone who could be physically closer to him.

I asked him if he was talking to someone else or wanted to date someone who lived closer to him. I told him that if that was the case, he could be honest with me.

Then I remembered something he had once told me that whenever he wanted to leave, he would come back to me like a boomerang. He had also told me that I didn’t have an ego, that I always tried to stop him from leaving because I was a good person, and that he loved me.

So, once again, I tried to stop him from leaving. The next day, he agreed to stay, and he sent me another lovey dovey message. He said he saw a future with me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and wanted to become a better person for me. He even called me his emotional anchor and said I had brought him out of darkness. He said I was the kind of girl he could see himself spending his life with.

Everything seemed fine again. Then he came to meet me, and while scrolling through his phone, I came across his ChatGPT history. I found things that made me realise he had been exploring other girls and sexual possibilities.

When I confronted him about it, he said, Now you have a valid reason to leave me. You can leave me. He also said he no longer had any feelings for me and that he was emotionally drained.

It was the same person who, just a few minutes earlier, had been telling me that he loved me. But after I confronted him about what I had found, he suddenly said he didn’t love me anymore and told me I could leave him. If he genuinely wanted to break up with me, why didn’t he just end things clearly and let me move on? Instead, whenever he wanted to leave, I would plead with him to stay, and he would eventually come back, reassure me, and make promises about our future. Yes, I begged him because I loved him and was terrified of losing him, but he also chose to stay and give me those assurances. Now I keep wondering why he kept coming back and telling me he loved me if he no longer wanted this relationship. Why did he make me believe in a future with him when his actions were making me question everything? I genuinely loved him and trusted his promises, and now I’m left trying to understand what was real and why he treated me this way.

He was the one who proposed to me first, telling me how much he loved me, and I accepted his proposal. Everything was going smoothly. Then, after his birthday, he told me he was feeling emotionally drained and wanted to break up with me. This was the first time I pleaded and begged him to stay. The next day, he agreed to stay, and things became loveydovey again.

The second time, he said he couldn’t commit to me because of his family. I cried and begged him to stay, but eventually, I accepted the situation. After that, we took some space, and a month later, he came back and confessed his love for me again. He said he wanted to commit to me and spend his whole life with me.

After that, everything was going fine again. The third breakup happened when he said he was exhausted and was the kind of person who couldn’t feel love every day. He said I was too emotional, needed reassurance, and was emotionally dependent on him. But the main reason I kept asking for reassurance was that he had already threatened to leave me twice. I was afraid he would leave again because he had already done it before.

As for emotional dependency, he was the kind of person who could spend an entire day alone without texting or calling me. Whenever we talked, i was usually the one who initiated the conversation.

The fourth breakup happened when he was talking to other girls. Everything seemed fine, but I noticed that he was becoming distant. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, so I asked him what was going on and how he was feeling. He then told me he wanted to break up because I seemed like AI, we lived far away from each other, and he needed an emotional connection. He wanted a girl he could hug and someone who could be physically closer to him.

I asked him if he was talking to someone else or wanted to date someone who lived closer to him. I told him that if that was the case, he could be honest with me.

Then I remembered something he had once told me that whenever he wanted to leave, he would come back to me like a boomerang. He had also told me that I didn’t have an ego, that I always tried to stop him from leaving because I was a good person, and that he loved me.

So, once again, I tried to stop him from leaving. The next day, he agreed to stay, and he sent me another lovey dovey message. He said he saw a future with me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and wanted to become a better person for me. He even called me his emotional anchor and said I had brought him out of darkness. He said I was the kind of girl he could see himself spending his life with.

Everything seemed fine again. Then he came to meet me, and while scrolling through his phone, I came across his ChatGPT history. I found things that made me realise he had been exploring other girls and sexual possibilities.

When I confronted him about it, he said, Now you have a valid reason to leave me. You can leave me. He also said he no longer had any feelings for me and that he was emotionally drained.

It was the same person who, just a few minutes earlier, had been telling me that he loved me. But after I confronted him about what I had found, he suddenly said he didn’t love me anymore and told me I could leave him.

Another thing I found in his ChatGPT history was that he said he urgently needed … He also mentioned that his friends brought girls over and that they were having fun in the room next to his, which was distracting him.

What I don’t understand is how someone can keep a girl emotionally attached to him by repeatedly saying he loves her and wants to spend his life with her, while apparently thinking about other girls whenever he wanted to leave, I would plead with him to stay, and he would eventually come back, reassure me, and make promises about our future. Yes, I begged him because I loved him and was terrified of losing him, but he also chose to stay and give me those assurances.

Now I keep wondering why he kept coming back and telling me he loved me if he no longer wanted this relationship. Why did he make me believe in a future with him when his actions were making me question everything? I genuinely loved him and trusted his promises, and now I’m left trying to understand what was real and why he treated me this way.

I don’t really have any plans right now, to be honest. He said I had trust issues and was emotionally dependent on him, but he threatened to break up with me four times. Every time he became distant, I got scared that he would leave again, so I kept questioning his commitment. I know I became anxious and needed reassurance, but I feel like those repeated threats contributed to that fear, too.

Things got worse when I came across his ChatGPT history and found him asking how to impress girls. I also found out he had said he urgently needed … because his friends regularly brought girls over to have fun in the next room. It completely shattered my trust. I was genuinely committed to him, while I was discovering things that made me question whether we wanted the same kind of relationship. Now he blames my trust issues and emotional dependence, and I’m struggling to make sense of everything.

Honestly, I was completely devoted to him and genuinely loved him. I thought he was my everything because there were days when he showed me genuine care and made me feel loved. But there were also repeated breakup threats, and whenever I needed more reassurance or emotional consistency, he would say he couldn’t feel or express love every single day. I kept holding on to the good parts and believing in the promises he made. This was my first relationship, and I gave it my whole heart, so learning to be on my own and move forward is really hard for me right now.