Straightforward: my 29-year-old son is dating a 16-year-old girl he met at a jazz festival this summer. Openly. He had a same age long-term girlfriend until last year, when they broke up amicably. We really loved her, she was basically our daughter-in-law and we’re still in touch. His current girlfriend’s parents know about their relationship & are cool with it. For the record: it’s also legal in our country. We don’t think it’s right though, he’s a grown ass man while she’s a high schooler. He’s also very successful professionally, handsome, takes good care of himself, has a good personality, etc. so it’s not like he’s lacking options. He just says he likes her - that’s his why. He’s not a bad person, I know that, but still this whole situation has changed our perception of him quite a bit. We’re having a rough time to say the least.
His idea. His girlfriend of 10 years wanted marriage and kids, settling down together, that kind of stuff, and he didn’t. He doesn’t like feeling pressured or stuck. He likes having a good time and enjoying another person’s company without expectations or stiff roles. So he told her he doesn’t want to waste her time, she should find someone willing to fulfil those wants for her and they should end it on a good note.
Okay. So we’re not talking about a hurt man here. He just wants to have fun without the responsibilities. The best thing I can say is that I’m glad he was mature enough to take his ex’s feelings into account. A lot of “men” are too selfish and immature to do that. That speaks well of both him and your parenting.
By 29 you’d expect the awkwardness to be over, but it isn’t. He could very well feel like he isn’t ready to start a family. I know the environment is a major concern for a lot of people - he simply may not want to bring children into a world that he believes is doomed. Has he ever expressed this concern to you?
Please note that I’m not building up to a point where I defend his dating a high school student. I think it’s gross. I’m just trying to understand why he might make such a choice.
He just doesn’t like feeling tied to anything, and a kid is the absolute embodiment of being tied to something for life for him. He’s doing extremely well financially (a very successful construction business he started and runs, own 3 properties, 2 cars, etc.), he could easily afford kids if he wanted to, he’s just not about that lifestyle.
All I can say is to be patient. Eventually he’ll realize that dating high school kids isn’t the way to go. There are women closer to his age that don’t want children, either. Eventually, he’ll figure that out.
He’s still growing up. He’s made some bad choices, but doesn’t sound like an inherently bad person. Thank you for tolerating, and answering, my questions. I wish you the best.