I’m really convinced everyone in my life really sees me as a full time chore to take care of, I’m actually convinced at this point everyone in my life is a part of a coordinated phyop to keep me from killing myself, everyone has their own option about me but they agree to be outwardly nice. For thoose who don’t understand I’m a chronic emotional abuser, like I don’t outright threaten to kill myself but everyone around me knows I’m always on the verge to sucide. I’m legitimately a toxic horrible person that holds my friends hostage.

  • shapesandstuff@feddit.org
    0·
    6 hours ago

    I’m really convinced everyone in my life really sees me as a full time chore

    I can all but guarantee you’re the only one in your life who thinks that. I know someone a little bit like that (thinking everyone is just being nice when they’re actually annoyed) and it’s steady work to make them feel loved.

    We don’t do that shit because we have to - we don’t - we do it out of real love.

    Suicidal thoughts aren’t a scheme, you didn’t chose to feel this way. Which means you’re not an abuser for feeling them.

    The rest if your paragraph goes a bit off the rails, not sure how literal you mean it though.

    There’s no Truman Show, no psyop, no great charade.
    What people do in real life when they hate someone is they stop engaging. If any of your friends got tired of you you’d notice. They’d disappear from your circles.

    Lastly, please take care of yourself.

    You seem aware of your struggles, so if you are in a position able to seek help please do so. No, you’re not wasting anyone’s time, it’s ltierally therapists job to figure out how to help people.

    They chose this job, and they will do it as long as necessary.