That I have moderately severe to severely severe ADHD and I’m on the autism spectrum.
Makes functioning as an adult quite difficult.
Knowing has helped me a bit, like “ok, I’m not a bad human, my brain is just weird”
If I had known when I was rather younger, I probably could have done much better in school, and would likely have been a bit more successful–in many ways–than I have been.
I did great in school. Maybe I would have accomplished more after school. Good diagnosed in my mid 30s.
I did great in art school, because everything was working with my hands, and still required a high degree of thought/creativity. I did terribly when I was in school for engineering (prior to art school) because I just couldn’t focus on calculus and physics, even though it shouldn’t have been that difficult.
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The thing that comes only with age is: to not give a fuck.
When we learn that it doesn’t matter we can all be little old people who are purple mohawk headed, wearing clashing neon adidas jumpsuit with zebra primted boas.
There’s always someone who will look at your life telling you you’re doing everything wrong. And you know what? That’s fine. It really doesn’t matter.
I only learned this a few weeks ago at 40 years old, now my hair is blue, both my ears are pierced and I’m a lot happier. I told my 19 year old daughter that “what will people think?” has been my mantra, now it’s “fuck 'em”
Hey, I’m you and you’re me! I also just turned 40 in late September. Happy belated birthday, ya old fart!
"at 20, you care the world what everyone thinks of you
At 40 you learn to not care what anyone thinks of you
At 60, you realize nobody has been thinking about you at all, the whole time."
If you quit worrying what people think of you, you’ll realize how seldom they do.
Relationships can be anything you want them to be. I wish I spent less time trying to figure out if someone liked me and just tried to have fun with everyone I met.
Don’t buy the cow if you’re lactose intolerant.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free
You can just ask people out. You can just ask to kiss someone. I was in my mid 20s when someone told me the first one, and late 20s when someone told me the second one. Dating got a lot easier after each revelation.
I agree with your comment in general, but it does depend entirely on the context and the situation. Eg, at work, you can’t just ask someone out. That’s a sure fire way to end up in front of HR.
Right, and you shouldn’t ask a married monogamous person out on a date, either. Never came up for me but is worth keeping in mind! A lot of guys seem to struggle with “she likes me bro she smiled at me” -> “my guy she’s the cashier at work she has to smile at customers.”
I had the biggest crush on a coworker, but I stick to this rule like it’s oxygen. I waited to ask her out until after we stopped working together. To my surprise, she said yes.
Nice job, well done.
You can just ask people out.
I know I can, but you think I dare do that?
You do it like this: Hey wanna go for a Japan trip with me?
No
Dad was not lying on top of mum to squash her.
No matter how much 6yr old me was complaining after entering their room early one morning.
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Any work or study done during an all-nighter is a waste.
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If you meet someone and all they do is talk about themselves, they won’t be a good friend.
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Nobody really cares how you look or what you wear. And anyone who does has bigger issues they would rather not deal with.
Depends. When I was in art school, I regularly worked for 36 hours straight, and at least once for 72 hours straight. But it’s studio work, where you’re actually making a <<thing>>; it never would have worked to have been trying to read Marx/Engels or Hegel and expect to have any kind of comprehension.
Any work or study done during an all-nighter is a waste.
Depends. I did some of my best work at this time (private project. not for my actual workplace).
I sense ADHD (source: am ADHD)
Maybe ;)
Same. That’s when everyone else goes to sleep and actually leaves you time to focus on your work.
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Probably would’ve been nice to know I was trans a few years younger but I started hormones at 20 as did a friend my age who came out at 16, so like it probably would’ve been less consequential than much.
The importance of studying. And related, calculus and how electricity works. Both would’ve saved me a lot of money to have learned 6 months earlier.
Also how to say no to someone trying to negotiate your boundaries and use your kindness to push you into a relationship. I should’ve walked away the second she said she wanted to negotiate my no and that she wasn’t going to give up on pursuing me. That situation fucked me up and wasn’t even the first time someone with insufficiently controlled bpd wound up pressuring me into romantic/sexual situations I wasn’t comfortable with by making it harder to say no than to give what they wanted.
Your high school diploma. Nobody ever asks for it. No job I have ever held has asked for proof that I completed high school which I didn’t. My last job had a class they wanted me to take at a night school and that’s when they realized I didn’t have it after 7 years of competent, exceptional work, so they just shrugged and got me in there anyways
Shit, I was able to get my GED to get in to college, didn’t complete, and get a job at one of the biggest tech companies on a prestigious project without completing either. But I was self taught and lived and breathed tech stuff to get there at 29 while the people with CS degrees were getting there at 22, so there’s a downside. But it’s just a piece of paper.
That in spite of doing my best to care for their mother as she slipped into the madness of depression and alzheimers before dieing last year, that they care about my sacrifice because no one other than me or my brother cared enough about her to help with her care(we did the best we could I know it wasnt enough but at least we were there for her)
But they get to keep her money after kicking us out of the house and selling everything she had so thats cool right?
That it’s never too late!
No matter how hard you try, how loud you cry, some people will never change.
When someone is abusive or hurtful to you, 90% of the time it’s not your fault. It’s that there is something wrong or something broken in them. They are malfunctioning and it’s necessary to understand that.
The other 10%… Well, own that and fix your mistake.
But a very large majority of the time, it’s them being broken and wrong.
Figuring out abusive relationships for me was hard because I knew friends with good intentions, and gave valid criticism but were absolutely brutal about it.
Now I very rarely associate with very insecure people. They are always looking to “prove” themselves, often by putting others down.
They can’t just accept someone’s accomplishment, they have to go “well actually you got help from so and so…” And always try to undermine your achievements. Extremely mentally exhausting people.
For me it’s been rough accepting that I’m absolute bpd bait. I struggle to hold boundaries and am happy to help people in need. Add in a trusting nature and yeah I’m still learning how not to get abused.
Your own happiness is more important that somebody else’s happiness.
Not to say you shouldn’t be nice or help people, or invest in other people’s growth.
But don’t do it to the detriment of your own.
Not too late but later than I should have:
- To seek professional mental health help
- To understand that Bisexuality really exists. Growing up and in my teens in media and pop culture it’s seemed that you either were gay or straight, no other option.
And that being gay was bad. It was not conveyed well in our media, and our culture was fun of negative connotations with no-heterosexuality. I feel you on this one. Bi people exist, and we’re everywhere!
