Yeah, that depends what you mean by small talk. I think you know what you mean, but I’m not sure that we know what you mean.
Plan…?
Imagine having a relationship based on talking about the weather today. I talk about things I enjoy talking about. If I don’t have anything to say then quiet is peaceful. 😊
The weird shit in my head is not suitable for public utterance. I can give you engaging statements or appropriate statements, but one statement that is both requires far more effort.
Small talk with strangers, acquaintances, neighbors is draining even when I like those people. Those closest to me do not require appropriate statements, so with them it never feels like small talk.
I wish I knew why small talk is important and why the example in the post is a problem. It would be helpful if someone could explain it.
If you date someone for 2+ years, at that point, you know what their opinions are on all meaningful topics. All there is left to discuss is small talk: how’s your day, did you like the TV show, etc.
Unless your both happy sitting in silence, you’ll probably drift apart.
Edit: I think the issue a lot of people here have is not small talk itself, its small talk with strangers. Asking a loved one about their day is small talk, but that doesn’t diminish its value.
I’ve been married for 7 years. I do ask my wife how her day was, but that is because I actually care. How can people do this with strangers? Is it just assumed everyone is asking everyone else how their day was even if they don’t actually care?
Tbh, I don’t know, I don’t like chatting to strangers either, but when a stranger asks how my day is, or how the weather is, I assume they don’t really care. Which means I can lie to them to wrap it up if I want. The level of care is probably proportional to the closeness? Small talk with partner == important, care a lot, small talk with neighbour == less important, less care, small talk with stranger == not important, no care?
I also care about the “how was your day” convo with my partner, but I consider it small talk as there is usually nothing critically important about it. Its not gonna result in a major financial or life decision 99% of the time.
You need small talk to find the big talk.
Ehm. Yes?
Small talk by definition is useless drivel. I don’t build relationships on that…
personally im a firm believer in the shut the fuck up and be quiet camp.
Who cares if you talk. If you have something to talk about, talk about it, if not, don’t it’s that simple.
What if I told you: People who hate small talk only have meaningful relationships. It’s the shallow relationships they lack.
This. This exactly. I’m friends with few people, but I’m very good friends with them.
When family/friends asks you how you are doing but don’t listen to the answer that really sucks. Or they hear what they expect and make a comment that clearly means they weren’t listening. Personally I found that too much of small talk is someone saying or asking something with no intention of listening. Maybe they think they are being polite or some social obligations to talk but I hate it. If I ask “How you doing?” “How’s work?” I’m going to listen to your answer. If I make a comment about the weather and you comment back I will listen.
Comfortable silence. Learn to appreciate it.
remembers Pulp Fiction scene least that’s what comfortable silence makes me think of, and yes I agree, it’s nice when a couple people can sit down and not feel like they have to say anything.
30 years ago today - some cinemas are marking the anniversary with a showing.
Holy crap I had no idea it was an actual anniversary! I just think in pop culture bits (memes). Neat. I so remember the first time watching it in the early teens, Tarantino can sure write fun random dialogue also sure was fun seeing Travolta be awesome again at the time after the baby movies. Not that I didn’t enjoy Look Who’s Talking,at the time, but who remembers those after Pulp Fiction for Travolta?
“We still never talk sometimes” - Swanson
Someone quoting him on the internet like this would go against his whole philosophy
How did everyone take this post to mean that you should only do small talk with your partner and not have deeper conversations?
My bet is, for the same reason that the post assumes that people who hate smalltalk can’t have a meaningful relationship
And that reason would be?
Yes
There’s likely at least a small correlation between people who dislike small talk and being at least somewhat socially inept.
(This doesn’t mean I’m saying everyone who dislikes small talk is socially inept. That’s not how correlations work.)
I think this was written by someone who isn’t comfortable with extended periods of silence with their partner.
My wife and I barely speak or communicate nonverbally for hours sometimes, then talk at great length other times. We always give each other an opportunity to talk about our day or whatever else is important, but we don’t talk about trivial things simply for the sake of talking. We’re comfortable with silence.
Idk I took it more to mean “wow I don’t want to start a deep, thoughtful conversation the moment I get home from work let me relax for a minute” while at the same time still wanting to talk to your partner. But I guess it’s up to reader interpretation and I do seem to be in the minority here.
You’re not alone. I think people might be projecting their own reasons for liking/disliking smalltalk into this tweet.
I just feel like a lot of people here are defining “small talk” as “a conversation that I don’t want to have” rather than any meaningful definition.
I would consider stepping outside in the morning with your partner and stating “oh wow it’s such a nice day today” to be small talk. It’s a conversation without an end goal, sure, but I don’t think it’s as worthless as people are making it out to be.
It would be hell to come home to someone who only wanted to talk about the weather and how those jockstraps are doing.
how those jockstraps are doing
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
Their premium is they just walk it in
The one where they ran with the ball and they did the thing?
Oh no, they were about to do the thing, but then the opposition, in a shocking display of competence, stopped them from doing the thing and did the thing themselves!
This has been a major setback in the quest to gain possession of the large ornament typically given to the most competent group!
This definitely taking on a strange planet vibe.
Pretty sure being in a long term relationship means you’ve moved on from small talk a long time ago.
I don’t want to talk with my wife about the weather, we have more important shit to worry about unless we’re literally having to dodge a tornado.
Small talk is for strangers.
If you went outside and the weather was pleasant you’d never mention it to your wife? Never say anything like “have you been outside? It’s so nice today!”
Or from what this post is even if people are missing it just asking how their day was.
Genuine appreciation for the weather enough to declare it to those around you isn’t small talk. Small talk is generic filler dialogue you do as a formality.
If you’re being that reductive about the definition of small talk then I don’t think small talk exists between couples who have known each other for a long time because you’re just regular talking.
Yup. And if we don’t have anything more important to talk about, we’ll just cuddle. Silence is absolutely fine with people you’re comfortable with.
Huh.
Wife and I talk ALL the time about anything and everything, be it the weather, how weather works, of free will exists, the kids, if kids exists, you name it…
Maybe you’re both extroverts?
We’re both introverts, so we’re totally comfortable just sitting next to each other reading different books, or cuddling on a cold winter night. Sometimes we talk about random stuff, but quite often we’re exhausted from dealing with other people but still want that proximity.
