I recently heard a man say, you should not focus on things that make you sad. There are certain things in life that are always gonna suck, there will always be certain things which you can’t change, there is no use worrying about them or hating them.
Unfortunately, I am in a system that handicaps human growth, you don’t/can’t grow up to your full potential when you live in systems like these. I can’t leave anytime soon, and the hyper-realization that had I been in a better system that fosters growth, I won’t be as miserable (emphasis on the as here) as I am here. I am hyperaware of certain things. Small things, they steal my mental peace, it can be someone honking incessantly on the streets or anything loud or unnecessary at any time of the day. Reddit shows me some weird stuff when I enter it and that distrubs my peace of mind! I have become very sensitive to these things.
I am sorrounded by all things negative in life, I have all the reason in the world to br resentful and ill-tempered, but resentment is a very dangerous thing, I don’t want to be resentful. If I can’t he happy here, I just want to be in peace! How can I do this? Venting about my situation helps but it’s temporary and it seems to be doing more damage than good.
P.S.: Please don’t start with how the American system is bad, it probably is, but there are worse things. I will literally be willing to lose a leg to get there. Also, might take sometime to reply, but I deeply appreciate your responses.
Start with the little things you can change. Environmental noise, can you get headphones or earplugs? Social media making you feel down, curate your feed, change sites, or even take a breather. Change up a routine, try a different food, or a hobby. Whatever is in your power, a novel experience might be an idea. Decorate/personalize your space. Add some lights, tapestries, whatever you like. These are some ideas I’ve tried personally and enjoyed a few of.
Wow, one of the most helpful and actionable comments and there’s no upvotes on it, weird! Thank you!!! and you are right!
lose a leg to get there
and go bankrupt or die from it when you arrive
I didn’t mean just get there, I meant have the problems you guys are having. I.e., your problems are better than mine.
I can “get there” even now it was want to, on a tourist visa or something, I meant more like swap places
Im not american. No way I would move to that hellscape
If you’re on social media, leave it. It’s a drain on your mental wellness.
I guess you are right. It would help.
Also need to block certain the open page and other news on reddit (I need it for other things)
Leave Reddit as well. I moved to Lemmy to free myself from the negativity. Lemmy may not have the same user base size but that tends to keep the crazies out.
This was the best decision of my life.
My 2cents also open another account in Beehaw… I also have a lemmy.ml account since I moved here, thats what I started with, but I see the same rage bait there as reddit… beehaw is a bit more pleasant.
Removed by mod
It might sound stupid, but sometimes (at least for me) I find joy in bringing others joy. I do my best to compliment strangers around me when I notice that they’ve done something special to make themselves look nice or if I really like a piece of clothing. I go out of my way to bring/send treats to my coworkers or friends when they have a special day coming up. It’s a reminder to them (and to myself) that the world is what we make of it, so why not do what we can to make it better? Joy is not a zero-sum game - something that takes me an iota of effort to do can bring huge returns in happiness of others.
might sound stupid, but sometimes (at least for me) I find joy in bringing others joy.
It doesn’t trust me, but my realizations about the system I am living in, isn’t helping. When I see a kid, I just become sad, they have no idea what’s gonna hite them!
Haha… you sound like an amazing guy to be with, good for you! I will try to bring joy to those around me who deserve it :)
The best reason to help others is because you are selfish and you like the feeling of helping someone else.
Because it means there is an endless supply of motivation to do the right thing.
Listen to Jordan Peterson.
I recommend starting with his course called Maps of Meaning which I believe is still available on youtube.
lol
Also, if your current set of philosophical and cultural assumptions has left you depressed and devoid of hope, maybe consider going against the crowd.
I don’t know. Because there is definitely an overlap in the venn diagram of Jordan Peterson fans and people who are inordinately angry at women, trans people, “liberals,” etc. If “going against the crowd” is a driving force behind you finding your philosophy, I don’t think you’re in it for the right reasons. And that kind of toxic mentality does not lead to happiness.
Oh no, my life is going fine. I’ve got no anger against those groups. I’m driven and healthy for the first time in my life.
My driving force has been desperation to figure out my mental health.
I’m referring to those who are miserable and asking for help, then downvoting the answers they get because their friends wouldn’t like it.
I haven’t met anyone who’s in that venn intersection. Can you name someone who is?
I recommend talk therapy. I think a majority of people could benefit from it, though a smaller ratio of people genuinely need it. I need it. It helps me maintain a sense of balance. I slowly unravel without it. Sounds like it might be helpful for you.
A word of advice in this area: you might need to meet with multiple people before you find the right fit. If it feels off with a person, don’t be afraid to shop around to find someone with whom you feel more comfortable. I’ve had a roughly 50% success rate finding the right fit in decades of therapy. One change was when I moved, one was when a therapist retired. I’ve had three that were right so far. And I’ve had three that were clearly not the right fit. Good luck!
First, comparing yourself to others is a recipe for unhappiness. I guarantee unhappiness and ennui is part of every day American life as well. I’m living it. I don’t know why I get out of bed each day other than to provide for my family, and I’ve been out of work for 5 months. Feels like waiting around to die, honestly. Maybe you think being in America would solve your problems, but it just presents a different set.
Second, accept the things you can’t change. If you can’t fix something, let go of worrying about it. Easier said than done and beware of telling yourself you can’t change something when you can, but if there is something you can’t fix, let it be. I know you said you’ve gotten that advice already. It’s easy to hear but hard to accept.
Third, set yourself some achievable goals. If it’s exercise or reading a book or painting a picture. Especially if it’s a step toward fixing one of those things that’s big, but not impossible to change. I’ve seen people build houses with their own hands over several years - one piece at a time. I have a friend who is mid-40’s and getting her 4-year degree. One class per semester. She’s on class three now. Eventually she will get there. I’ve set some goals to improve my physical health. It’s a long fucking road. I lost 60 lbs. about 8 years ago. Gained it all back. Now it’s time to tackle it again.
Fourth, make yourself look for good things. It’s a beautiful sunny evening here after days of rain. I didn’t achieve much today, but I can appreciate the warmth on my skin and the blue and white sky. My wife is out of the house taking a crafting class with a friend and I’m happy for her because that doesn’t happen often. I have some interviews this week and maybe one will be the right fit. Whatever the goes things are in your life, find them and spend a little time just appreciating them.
Good luck, my friend.
Maybe you think being in America would solve your problems, but it just presents a different set.
It would solve my problems, and yes, it would give me a different better set of problems. America is nowhere at the buttom when it comes to human development.
I know you said you’ve gotten that advice already. It’s easy to hear but hard to accept.
Yes! So much easier to hear!
I’ve set some goals to improve my physical health
Ohh yes, I need to do that to some extent too.
Thank you for your advice :)
There’s a lot of good advice here, but do you have the means to access therapy? It is invaluable to have an ongoing relationship with a professional who can listen, understand, and help you find your way through the problems that make you feel this way.
World’s on fire, grab some marshmallows and a stick.
World wants to make you miserable, be happy out of sheer spite.
Listen to more ska: yeah we’re going to hell, but I have a trumpet.
I also have every reason to be unhappy and resentful. My life hack is to be ANGRY. I am determined to piss off all those who have wronged me by succeeding in life despite them. I went from homeless to 6 figures on pure spite and refuse to help anyone who fucked me over.
“Outlive your enemies, be happy and successful in spite of them, and listen to the laments of their women”.
-Conan O’Barbarian
Sorry, I’m not quite sure what kind of help you are asking for. I do know one thing though:
Reddit shows me some weird stuff when I enter it and that distrubs my peace of mind!
You really should leave that place if you can. My experience is similar to yours, i also feel like crap after spending time there. Quitting that site and never looking back was a relief i hope you can share.
Unfortunately, I am in a system that handicaps human growth, you don’t/can’t grow up to your full potential when you live in systems like these
If you’re talking about being surrounded by reminders of a system you hate, i can relate. Can you talk more about them without doxxing yourself? If that’s not what you want to talk about, then maybe
I am hyperaware of certain things. Small things, they steal my mental peace, it can be someone honking incessantly on the streets or anything loud or unnecessary
Are you asking about help with anxiety and sensory overload issues? Cuz i can relate there too
Sorry, I’m not quite sure what kind of help you are asking for. I do know one thing though:
somewhat like how to cope with this, i…e, I don’t want these things to get to me. My life is in shambles and it’s in a good part due to the lack of opportunities in my country and I know for a fact that it ain’t gonna change anytime soon.
You really should leave that place if you can
I first used to think lemmy is kinda mehh! But this thing is much more peaceful than reddit!
Can you talk more about them without doxxing yourself?
I don’t actually want to talk about it, but I have lost hope. I used to think things would get better when I was younger, but they never did. I see the desperation and resentment in my people and the things they do out of it. Resentment is never a good thing! Never! I have seen people delude themselves, live shitty lives for pennies in salary, I used to judge these people, but troubles started when I stopped judging them, I realized these were people just like you and me, if they were in a better system they would be doing some meaningful work and if not that, they would have money for their medical bills (it’s much worse than US here, so no comparision)
It’s not their fault, but their lives were destroyed, they don’t live their lives to the fullest, they didn’t reach their peak potential because of the system they are in. It’s not their fault! This was my wakeup call! This made me sad beyond belief, I tbch miss the time I judged my people, but I can’t go back.
sensory overload issues?
It’s a part of a bigger problem, but yes, it would be amazing if I didn’t fucking listen to all these machine noises 24/7
Huff… It felt good to vent, haha… sorry, you helped by asking how you could help!
Well, I wake up happy every day because I don’t really think anyone ‘deserves’ anything, including physical existence. So I am happy to be physically embodied, so happy nothing hurts most days and that I can move freely and breathe freely. I just kind of think anything above constant agony is above the baseline of existence.
I do think you can deserve things like pay for work, you can earn things. But even so, so many people get so much for nothing, and so many others get nothing for giving so much.
I will wish for your success beyond your expectations.
