cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/38443030

I’m a man in my 40’s, moved to a new area and trying to make friends. A guy I’ve had lunch with a couple of times and we’ve connected pretty well. I’m not getting disinterested vibes when we’re actually at lunch. However, I’ve invited him to lunch 3 times recently, once each month, and he’s not responded. He’s responded to other texts. “Hey, I’m going to event XYZ, any advice” and he’d reply. I’ve run into him at the grocery store twice in that time period and he’s been genial. He’s never offered/initiated lunch or anything, but that’s not new. (No one ever asks me to do things, I’m The Organizer.) I’m getting really, really mixed signals.

How many more times do you try in a situation like this before you “take the hint” and stop?

  • Ledivin@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    9 months ago

    Maybe he’s just busy during lunches 🤷‍♂️ I’d try a different activity and see if you get the same response, but I wouldn’t be trying too hard

  • PlantJam@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    9 months ago

    Every friendship is different. I have some friends that I only see a couple times a year, but we text every day. Inviting him out once a month isn’t excessive at all. Since you’re still having other positive interactions, I would just continue inviting him to low pressure things.

    Inviting him to group events might be good, too. For example, “I’m going to be hanging out at this place at this time with these people if you want to join.”

  • the_abecedarian@piefed.socialEnglish
    0·
    9 days ago

    Trusting your gut makes sense. It sounds to me like he’s got a medium level of interest, but isn’t in a hurry to hang out terribly often. Part of it could be that, since he already lives in the area, he’s just going to prioritize existing family and close friends over a possible new one.

    Making friends in a new place can be frustrating. Just find various kinds of meetups (sports, volunteering, hobbies, clubs, etc) that interest you and eventually you’ll pick up a couple of friends. You have to go in with no expectations for any particular person, but put out invites and see who ends up wanting to hang.

    Good luck, keep trying! It took me a year to build up a base of friends when I moved fairly recently.