First it starts with a comedy video which turns into this weird creepy thing about kids running through the Paris sewers, encountering an alligator, then getting rowed out and into the Seine by a ghost and it cuts to reality and all the nations are going down the river on boats past a bunch of water jets because they’re not doing this in a stadium.
This looks awful and ridiculous. Compare this to the spectacle of London 2012.
Now they’re doing some weird old Hollywood movie musical style musical number with Lady Gaga and she’s on a staircase, which is… somewhere in Paris?
I am so fucking confused.
Edit: They just cut to Macron and he looks as confused as I am.
This is why all Olympics - whether ceremonies or matches - get recorded on the DVR, so we can skip past all the nonsense.
Yes, but it was pretty much entirely nonsense.
Welcome to the Olympics this happens every time. Mark my words when the Olympics come to the state we are going to do our damndest to out weird France.
I wouldn’t say that. London 2012 was an amazing spectacle.
This looks like they spent about 20 Euros on the whole thing.
I don’t think the US is particularly good at doing ‘fun weird’. We tend to take ourselves too seriously.
Eurovision would never happen in the US for instance.
It’ll just be 500 people firing tracer filled machine guns into the air, fireworks being launched off the deck of an aircraft carrier, and a finale centered on an ICBM being detonated offshore to the tune of America, Fuck Yeah!
With the anchors telling viewers, “This flyover is of an F-35 squadron. The program has cost almost 2 trillion. The military has stated it will be using it less going forward. NOW HERE’S BEYONCÉ!”
I was at an air show in Canada a few weeks ago where among other performances they had the F-18s Canada currently uses, the Eurofighter Typhoon that lost the bid to replace the Canadian F-18s, and the F-35 that won the bid to replace the F-18. It was raining that day but the F-18s and Typhoon still performed. The F-35, however, did not; it can’t fly in the rain because its paint will come off. I found that pretty hilarious in juxtaposition. “Thanks for the purchase! Here’s your upgrade that can only fly on nice days! Be sure to tell your enemies to not attack you when it’s raining!”
That’s going to depend rather heavily on who wins the next election.
That’s on the edge - but not out of - the realm of possibility.
Yeah, what’s going on with the parkour? I don’t get any of this. It’s totally unfocused apart from anything else.
It’s just french things…parkour is originally french…so…profit.
Okay, but why this Assassin’s Creed/ghost dude?
He’s carrying the torch to light the Olympic “bonfire”…I guess…but I don’t know the relation to anything mystical that they may be hinting at with Assassin’s creed…c’est une surprise :3
I think it’s the Phantom from The Phantom of the Opera, a famous piece of French literature and adapted to many other formats since its original publication, but I haven’t been able to confirm that’s who it’s supposed to be
I guess that makes sense, but they might have gone with a more recognizable look. Like a regular mask that a lady might pull off…
Ubisoft is French, so the Assassin’s Creed’s reference makes sense
When I first learned how to do parkour I thought it should be an Olympic sport. Just set up some type of street and obstacles and get scored on how well you handle it plus how fast you go thru it.
that throuple was crazy tho 👀
The decapitated Mary Antoinettes singing operatic methal from a palace’s windows were cool.
That wasn’t just cool, it was badass! You can rewatch it here: https://youtu.be/cJowjYixfEs
What country are you in? I can’t see it in the US
Ugh, might be a EU region lock thing. I hate that type of restriction, especially for a global sports Event. The organizers or media have been going after every shred of shared media from the ceremony. It’s ridiculous, do you want to promote you event or not?
Sorry for the rant, but these antiquated copyright behaviors make me angry.
If this is legit a thing that happened I’m kinda mad I missed it.
It was Gojira, a rather famous french metal band, with Marina Viotti, an also famous franco-swiss opera singer.
I had heard that Gojira was playing, and I figured it was their portion.
it was real !!
Minions. MINIONS. Like from Despicable Me. I’m not really here, I took some sort of massive dose of shrooms accidentally, right?
Minions was the best part. And the blue guy with the yellow beard.
I only did shrooms once. Then I learned they are grown in cow shit and almost puked after that.
I don’t remember doing any shrooms when I got up this morning, but that might just be the shrooms.
They can be found in cow shit but they don’t have to be. Modern lab grown mushrooms are grown in sterilized growing medium.
I have never heard of lab grown mushrooms…and probably a dumb question but are they legal since being lab grown?
Nah. Meth isn’t legal because it’s made in a lab.
Or a bathtub or a truck or in your back yard or in a fish tank or hell even a two liter bottle.
It fully depends on where you live. If psychedelic mushrooms are illegal where you live then lab grown ones probably are. Most of the time spores aren’t illegal to possess. Also did you know that a bag of uncle bens is a sterile bag of starches? Do with that information what you will.
They finally had attention there. I thought they were going to do a Costeau reference there haha. Now Macron is doing his proud poker face during the Marseillaise (revolution is nice, but don’t do it, please)
I think the Minions were onboard Captain Nemo’s Nautilus
Sounds like Arte. lol
Clearly thou ART not like the French.
I’m only slightly kidding when I say:
The Olympics are happening this year? I feel like I’m usually really in the loop for these things.
If you are actually heading trouble remembering what years the summer Olympics are in here is something that can help. Summer Olympics, leap years, and us presidential elections are always the same years.
Except for the 2020 Olympics that were in 2021.
And the Winter Olympics used to be the same year as Summer Olympics until 1994.
I’ve re-watched that Gojira performance like 10 times. The beheaded Marie Antionettes were <chef’s kiss>.
Technically, they had a few more monarchs (Louis XVIII, Charles X, Louis Philippe I) after Marie Antoinette’s husband even if you don’t count the two emperors. The fifth republic looks unlikely to lapse, though
<Insert clip of the time Crusty the Clown replaced Itchy and Scratchy with an alternative cartoon>
Celine Dion just did the performance of my lifetime. Everyone can go home now!
Ok, now with Celine Dion performing Edith Piaf on the Tour Eiffel I’m getting the peak France feeling I got for peak UK in London 2012, lol
Yep agree.
By far the best part. Celine was astounding and that balloon thingy is outrageously original. The light show too.
There was a metric shitload of what the actual hell going on in the run up to it. Not inherently bad in the main - but just not very well put together. Disjointed, way too drawn out, incoherent.
Thanks goodness they had a decent ending.
Who was Parkour Bansky? Does anyone know? Was a tad worried they were going to skitter off a wet roof on live TV.
I was disappointed that part petered out. I didn’t expect to see who was inside, but assumed at some point we’d see them hand the torch back off to the end. Instead it was just like Zizou had it again with no explanation and handed it off to Rafa. I kind of wonder if there was supposed to be something more but they had to cut it because it wasn’t safe to do in the rain. It already seemed a little risky with the segments that were live and had someone running along those wet metal roofs (but was funnier to then see the obviously recorded segments filmed when it was dry and sunny).
I thought the metallic horse running down the Seine was never going to end…
The second half has been much better than the first. The light show on the tower has been great.
It got much better. The horse running down the river gave me chills. I was in Paris a couple of months ago, and this has become quite a feat. The rain made it even more surreal.
Eh, you know what? I like it. Go weird
It’s weird, but not in a good way. Not for me. It’s just so completely disconnected. There’s nothing that unifies it at all. It’s just random weird stuff. Lady Gaga does an old fashioned Hollywood number, sure. There’s a weird Assassin’s Creed faceless person doing parkour with the torch, whatever. Headless Mary Antoinette sings a song. I guess. Robot horse for five minutes… okay… get on with it.
A lady sings Imagine and I hope she doesn’t burn to death because of the GIANT FIRE in the piano behind her? WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING?
…the Aristocrats :D
