- cross-posted to:
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- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
the people I know don’t listen and often hear the opposite of what I say. That’s why I have to repeat myself a lot.
the people I know don’t listen and often hear the opposite of what I say. That’s why I have to repeat myself a lot.
That one ‘blindingly obvious’ thing is key often for me too. Sometimes it’s not only not obvious to other people but it’s entirely wrong too.
Ironically, it’s often the same thing the other way round: the neurotypical leaves off or implies some context that seems obvious to them and the people they normally communicate with.
The other main thing, from neurodivergent to neurotypical, is (not) implying emotional meaning. (And vice versa, not picking up on it.) You say something and mean it logically, but hidden in your words is emotional meaning - sometimes it’s real but you wouldn’t even know it yourself; sometimes it’s not real just you said things in a way that someone else would if they meant that extra emotion. Communication is about emotion as much as facts, and the listener rightly tries to pick up on emotions, but misunderstands.
Sure, absolutely.
As I said in another comment, one of the defining characteristics of the autism spectrum is a blunted sense of empathy. As you say, that blunted empathy can mean that the autistic person doesn’t hear the emotional content, reacts to it inappropriately, or is not able to effectively communicate emotional content themselves.
Come to think of it, if people on the spectrum aren’t communicating emotional content, or are doing it very poorly, that might explain part of why some autistic people think they’re communicating precisely with carefully chosen words, but their intent and meaning is still being misunderstood.
I’d like to add to that, that ‘blunted empathy’ can sound like you’re a bad person: but as I understand it, and as I think I experience it, it’s more about empathy in the precise sense: of not instinctively feeling how someone else feels about something. You can still care about a person, with kindness, but lack empathy. That can lead to not caring and being only self-interested, but doesn’t have to. Sometimes the neurodivergent person is trying to express - and enact - kindness, but, being weak in empathy, has to find a different way to express it, one that would make sense to themselves. Often one with specific, logical meaning of words.
So this is kind of a message to neurodivergents. You can be realistic about a relative jack of empathy, but don’t need to feel put down as a bad person, or that you’re unkind. And I’m truly sorry for all the times people won’t understand your kindness because of the ‘language’ barrier. Wish I could give you all a hug (if hugs are your thing).
Keep trying :-) And I hope there will be some people in your life who will keep trying to understand and express things your way too.