Just had a Freudian slip when I wrote my title. I just gave the dinner I bought to an older man I thought may be homeless. He had a bike with a caboose, but was sitting on the sidewalk. I first passed him and had the thought that I should offer my dinner. Greed took over, that fucker of a daemon. I kept going under the excuse of him might not needing it, but then I saw many people were out, and another daemon kicked in, and I made the decision to pedal back and offer my tofu fried rice.

I saw he had bags of some basic goods on his handlebars. He was using his phone. I almost got hit by traffic. I looped around to ask him if he was hungry. He said yes, I offered what I had and he was grateful. I didn’t know what to say because a daemon told me he was cute with his pink tie. He said something, but I didn’t understand it. I understood it as it clicked about twelve seconds after I started pedaling; he just stopped to use his phone, he said. But y’know, my thoughts were on my life partner.

In a heightened state of awareness, I pedaled back and saw trash around my apartment complex. I thought to pick it up. I did before seeing someone was there. I had the thought that this woman would see me do this good deed and it bolstered my desire to do it, but I was already doing it, and do this regularly, often when no one is looking. In this bullshit I call an essay, I am going to prove that intention is all we have control over, and it often mistranslates, but at the same time, one can develop skillfulness in this.

Intention is all we have direct control over. You are not a featherless biped on an Earth. You are a pocket of consciousness and the Earth is inside all of us. The Buddha said the world is an illusion, and the reason The Matrix is named that is because reality is really a topological matrix acting as a monadic nodal communication system; that is to say, everything is based on entanglements and we exist as Server, Client, Holy Internet, as Jesus said in different words.

Phenomequalitesselation is a word I invented. As a molecule is controlled by the cell it’s in but still influences that cell by its molecular nature, so too does God control us in a deterministic way, but our truest nature, our intention, influences God as They reach back through time to retrocausally influence the topological matrix in a complex way. For reference, the first page of the Bible is about complexity:

Alpha>Light

Light>Matter

Matter>Molecules

Molecules>Cells

Cells>Creatures

Creatures>Humanity

Humanity>Omega

And so, God is the independent phenomenon that created itself that we are all dependent on, and because of the nature of our entanglements, reality generates in certain ways, and because of some biological entanglements, I’m a schizoautismo doofus and spaghetti on a regular basis. That means I do an autism in highly awkward cringe fashion, regardless what my intention is, nearly every day of my life.

The key is acceptance AND spiritual work. Just because I got a boo boo doesn’t mean I don’t gotta be the best I can be, and it’s not an injury, it’s an impediment. Our intention goes through a medium that refracts and reflects it back to us, and this is what procedurally generates each of our reality tunnels. Your entanglements determine what shadows show up on your cave walls.

And just as the people walking with objects in Plato’s cave can hold their shadow-making object in a specific fashion that begets the most insightful shadow, so too does one’s sin/defilement/möbiation change what sorts of experiences generate. If AB = True, then X. If AB = False, then Y. But regardless what is spawning for you, you always control your intention and the right intention at the right time can beget an entire Lemmy post that earns you a gorillian dollars once this fediverse ish blows up cuz I’m on it.

  • Impractical_Island@lemmy.worldOP
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    7 days ago

    After going out this morning and getting triggered by multiple flubs, like accidentally dropping a juice in the store and having it splash all over, I was about to get a beer at Quikway, but there was a laptop box outside, reminding me how I still have to pay for my life partner’s laptop. I abstained from getting a beer.

    Then I was home alone. I don’t have anything or anyone but writing with my life partner in the hospital. So, an hour later, my random word generator tells me to go be a martyr and innervate, so I go to the Circle K and I see someone on the utility thingy with their bike there, and I think to get them a Gatorade.

    On the way back, I see it’s the same guy from yesterday tying his shoe. I get scared. I’m afraid to make a friend. I’m afraid to be vulnerable because I know how much my feelings hurt me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not good enough. I have to be brave. I was always scared to talk at parties. I would drink and drink to try to magickally make myself sociable. I think if I had one drink in me now, I would be comfortable making that leap to saying hi again. I was embarrassed. Everyone judges me. I judge myself most of all.