I was born a man and feel attracted to women but sometimes I’d like being a woman. In the last year I’ve been doing things that surprise me: buying stockings, leggings, thongs and high heels to know how they feel… and I like wearing them, sometimes it turns me on. I haven’t bought skirts, make up or bras so far but it wouldn’t surprise me.

I don’t feel attracted to men and I don’t want to have sex with them, but I fantasize about women dominating me with sex toys, penetrating me from behind, wishing I had female genitalia. When I masturbate I imagine being a submissive woman being dominated by another woman.

I know I wouldn’t be a pretty woman, because I’m way past puberty and have a prominent Adam’s apple and I’m not thinking about leaving my house dressed like a woman (high heels, a mini skirt, stockings…), but this is a part of me I’ve always repressed, but now it feels natural, if that makes sense. I have never spent so much time online looking for thongs and stockings as in the last 3 months.

I don’t believe any woman would accept me romantically if I ever told her how I feel about this, for most heterosexual women this is an instant turn off, but I still feel attracted to women and sometimes I’d like being one.

But consider this: if I listen to a man with a big, deep, calm voice, I shiver the same way I shiver when someone touches me inadvertently, or the same way I shiver when on a cold, winter day someone serves me a hot bowl of soup. This has always happened to me with some men, usually bigger men than me, but never with women, women I find desirable. It’s not sexual, it’s not romantic but I simply melt listening to that kind of voice, for lack of a better expression.

Other times I fantasize about finding a woman who is the breadwinner so I can stay at home and take care of our home, cook for us…

So I really don’t know what I am sexually.