so, my girlfriend is a gamer girl who seems to really like men, especially fictional men. she still sees me as a woman, i believe, but i will tell her i’m not and i feel like it would be better, like my friends said, if i was a man to her because she used to be really heteronormative as well and not like it when her male crushes were gay.
however, because i’m afab, she expects me to really like men when i only really like a few men. (i might actually be omni with a woman pref. but i also think i just like who i like i don’t have a preference).
also, she can’t seem to put her game down. she wants me to watch her play video games and do literally nothing else, does not wanna spend time with me alone barely, and if she does, just wants me to watch her play video games. she will not go out with me anywhere or do anything else, and i’m always expected to like her interests and even when i’ve talked to her, she says she’s bored and wants to play her game rather than watch movies or shows i like.
because of this, i only watch movies and gameplays that she likes and barely really have much interests of my own except for a few.
i am becoming someone new, some facade of a pan woman who really likes men and only her interests.
Communication is the most important thing here. The point about you feeling it better if she sees you as a man is a sticky one, but her doing that if that is how you wish to present is a signal of respect for your wishes in the relationship. Her only wanting to do one thing and not taking an interest in what you like is also something you really need to talk to her about. Make it clear what you want, and how you feel about feeling like you are the only one taking interest in doing what she wants.
Really, talking is how you resolve this. But be prepared for it not to go how you expect or something feasibly not being workable. Keep yourself first and make a judgment call on how much you are willing to put up with. People can change, but it takes genuine desire, deep effort, and backsliding and regression can happen.
It sounds like you’ve bent over backwards to the accommodate the whims of this person.
Prioritize yourself and your interests like you’re prioritizing hers. Do something for yourself that you wanna do that she is welcome to join in but you are gonna spend time doing that thing you like. Make your time and interests valuable, spending time with you shouldn’t be a chore to whoever you’re with.
Wrt not seeing you as a man, that’s pretty shitty and non validating. And making assumptions of your preferences in partners etc isn’t very cool. Maybe that’s a conversation to have and see how she changes her tune.
