cw: TERFs and general transphobia
For the most part, I avoid Reddit like the plague, but when I’m feeling sad, I find myself going on r/terf_trans_alliance, and then I feel worse.
I don’t know what drives them to participate, but the minority of trans posters are ridiculed, subjected to abusive comments, and mass downvoted for any attempt to get through to them in a way that isn’t absolute self-flagellating placation. Some things I noticed after just a minute or two of scrolling:
spoiler
- The term “TRA”
- Accusations of male socialization, with some gaslighting when trans people try to discuss their personal experiences about their upbringings that do not fit the narrative
- Accusations of “mansplaining”
- Assumptions that trans women are predatory
- Assumptions that trans women have an entitlement complex
- Accusations that trans women conform to rigid misogynist stereotypes, but also that trans women are too masculine to embody what they identify as
- Assertions that trans women defending themselves need to accept male privilege, comparisons to white fragility
- The comparison of being trans to a cultist religion
- The insinuation that upvotes or kind words “shields trans people from reality”
- Casual references to trans women, whether indirectly or directly to trans commenters/OPs, as men or males
- The likening of trans women to white supremacists
There’s this stereotype that Reddit is this liberal echo chamber, but I seem to know all of the many places where it’s not, and I seek out those places when I know they’ll hurt me.
For those of you just on Lemmy, what are your strategies not to stray back to Reddit?
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I don’t know if I should talk but I think I may add something to the other comments.
First of all, TERF_teams alliance feels like it should not exist, they are not the first. Godwin point: it is like Chaim Rumkowski or some others Jews that help Nazi germany (I can’t find back the name of a jew who agreed with Hitler on the existence of a problem with Jewish people). I can’t explain the psychological mechanism other than a form of selfharm (this can be psychological as other mentioned), I could add an example of 4chan, but no necessary in my opinion.
Also, debate a la Charlie Kirk are stupid and counter productive. You do not talk with the far right. Ask Wallonia (french speaking Belgium) their technique to not have far right in power : block them everywhere, and never work with them. If you go open minded, know that they won’t, they will only use rethoric stuff to make you look like a fool, cut an micro interview with the same objective. Did turning point do anything other than stupid debate in universities with students? They are stupid, and people that agreed with Kirk should not be sad about his death as he died for what he stood for (gun violence is a necessary sacrifice for 2nd amendment), but here they are. All in all, don’t talk to fascist, punch’em (at least, block them for your own sake).
Also, uninstall reddit from smartphones (old style is better I think), install block leech on your browser (which should be firefix to have ubo on android) and put reddit in the list. I once find it nice to have it blocked as needing to modify it was to much for my casual lazyness (flemme in french)
If it is not clear (I am not good at writing my thoughts) sorry, I will gladly try to answer any questions.
Well your already on Lemmy so why do you go back to reddit? If you can answer that question then you have your answer. I much prefer it here where where you can actually interact with people instead of ai and NPCs
Like an ex, just go no contact. Time heals all wounds.
Yeah, there are so many other things to do in the world to use your remaining time on. Literally billions of things. Do literally anything else because that one thing doesn’t matter for beans. Sometimes all it takes is to realize what you’re doing, take a step back, take a deep breath, think about sailing a ship through a tropical storm, or closing your eyes and imagine seeing yourself sitting there, smiling and content, and suddenly BAM you can feel your toes again.
I use uBlock Origin and add reddit to the filter list. I also have blocked reddit using my
/etc/hostsfile.I have also setup redirector plugins that can be used to redirect when I go to a particularly toxic subreddit, e.g. redirecting something like /r/terf_trans_alliance to /r/sewing or whatever community you enjoy that is more wholesome (that’s just one of mine - I also love /r/OUTFITS).
Also, if you’re in the US you should probably be using a VPN no matter what, and in that case Reddit will (usually) block you, easy!
Mostly it’s just psychology, though - why do you go to read that place to hurt yourself? Are there healthier ways to hurt yourself?
content warning: self harm
Sometimes when I want to cut and beat myself, I will instead go into a stress position like a plank, and then I’ll hold it until it really hurts and my impulses to self harm are “satisfied”.
You might consider if there are harm reducing alternatives like this for you?
I’m not sure what that might look like for you, since it’s particular to your psychology, but there are plenty of places to find transphobia, hell you could self-flagellate by watching Sex and the City episodes.
Even better would be to find ways to work on the underlying reasons that motivate you to hurt yourself, in the long term that’s where the focus should be, I would imagine. Maybe something to see a therapist about?
I never really thought about doomscolling as self-harm, but that makes perfect sense. The plus side is I can sort of repurpose all my old coping strategies in that case. I used to be way better with digital minimalism, but then 2025 hapened. Definitely worth finding a therapist about once I’m on my wife’s health insurance in a few months.
Thank you for the advice :)
I have the website on my piHole block list. This forces me to either enable VPN and hope I can get through their filters, or I have to manually unblock the site thru PiHole if i want to browse. Which honestly seeing as I set up that block during the API fiasco? I flat-out stopped visiting anyways. Its just … slop now.
Recently, when reverse image searching, Google feeds me a shitton of Reddit, Instagram, Facebook or Pinterest. The first three either refuse to let you see the image or refuse to let you download it, and the fourth is a wasteful link to a link that usually doesn’t exist. I shall block those with my AGH and see how it performs lol
- Lemmy is libre federated Reddit. What more do you want? You don’t need the shitware that Reddit runs or its toxic communities.
- TERF-trans alliance? I used to imagine the idea that, in a million-monkeys way, there was bound to be a small “trans 4 Trump” contingent on Twitter. Later I heard about Caitlyn Jenner’s politics, and the reification of the unlikely took its innocence. You know well enough to stay away from those groups.
- If you’re looking for transphobic self-flagellation, there are many routes you could take that don’t endanger the community. There are shows - one person recommended Sex and the City, and the recent Ed Gein streaming series seems to make some reprehensible parallels between us and serial killers, despite the queer tastes of its creators. You could also get into an abusive relationship and get called an ugly fag that roleplays as a tranny, like the last relationship I was in. You could make a Grindr profile and call yourself a “sissy” to attract the wrong kind of people, and don’t forget to mention you have a high pain tolerance.
- We all love you and support you in spirit. The impetus to make decisions that are right for you is ultimately on you, and if it’s an issue of self-control, therapy isn’t a bad idea. I’m in therapy to address my feelings of lonelines, failure, and emotional/empathetic/relationship maintenance inadequacy. Whatever you do, you will probably be fine.
You’re describing self harm, look up resources for dealing with it.
I got banned for supporting Palestinian workers rather than the Zionist occupation
when I’m feeling sad, I find myself going on r/terf_trans_alliance, and then I feel worse.
That sub exists specifically to prey on folk like you. Folk that are struggling with internalised transphobia and self worth issues.
Transphobes (and bigots in general) actively seek people they can demonstrate their bigotry against. It’s performative, to improve their in group cohesion, and it addresses their own self worth issues and let’s them feel empowered.
That sub exists purely to attract people for them to prey on.
They’re preying on you, because hurting you and folk like you brings them joy.
You stop going, because even though dealing with your own self image can be a long battle, it’s a battle you can navigate without empowering them.
Piggy-backing off of Ada’s excellent advice, here…
Op, do you know what a troll is? It’s a shitty monster under a bridge, that lives under a bridge, and attacks you or tries to get a toll, or payment from you when you get close or try to cross the bridge.
The analogy here is that if you find yourself feeling shitty, the last place you should go should be to go see the trolls. They’re always going to be there, and they’re always going to be shitty. You aren’t going to win, because they’re trolls, it’s what they do, it’s why they exist. The damn subreddit name is even a euphemism for a bridge, for crying out loud.
So, when I say, “don’t feed the trolls”, it means, without food, the trolls will just be quietly living under their little bridges, waiting.
Go to a park. Watch some anime. Make a casserole. Watch the clouds. Be anywhere but where the trolls are. DON’T FEED THE TROLLS.
If you don’t want to hurt, stop going to where it hurts. I know this is sometimes easier said than done, but you ARE worth more, and you don’t deserve that kind of abuse, no matter what they, or your hurt subconscious tells you. You gotta make the decision, consciously, maybe even VERBALLY (I have to do this sometimes) that you don’t want to be miserable and to try your best, consciously, to figure out what is best for you.
Invest in yourself. Invest in your future. Drink water, get as much fresh air as you can, and maybe even some sunlight (hsssssss). Music that makes you feel good is always a plus. I’ve been trying to remember to listen to music, lately. It’s too easy to forget what makes you happy. Sometimes, what makes you happy changes, and that’s okay, it just means you need to explore your feelings a little bit.
Also, trans community is generally good. I find that when I spend too much time around only cis people or anybody not woke enough, I get like this weird stress in my chest and throat from having a constant low-key panic from hiding what I’m worried about and putting on a brave face. Don’t do that. Do your best to try to find your people, if you haven’t already.
Please take care of yourself, op. And, when in doubt, consider what yourself in the future would appreciate you spending your time on. It may suck, but at least future-you might appreciate it.
I know a lot of this is cliche as hell, but all of this is advice that I’ve personally found that works and is the best I can give you publicly.
You should find a healthier coping strategy. What exactly is driving you to go somewhere you know will make you feel worse?
I only go to reddit for content. Its works as a normie link aggravator. It also is good for finding local news and stories because Lemmy communities for individual cities are empty.
Admittedly I usually only go there after I’ve doomscrolled past everything new on lemmy. Not the most mentally healthy practice, but what you describe sounds worse.
Stop actively seeking out harm. You deserve better than to treat yourself this way.
Maybe block the URL in the browser? Helps fighting a habbit.
Go post something anti-Elon and pro-Palestine and they’ll permanently ban you. Problem solved
I remind myself that reddit wants to resell a list of trans people to ICE. While @[email protected] will tell data brokers to get wrecked.
Seriously though, from a data perspective Reddit can just delete whole subreddits because a rich person will tell them to. While a weird question you have and a correct answer somebody gives will stay accessible via the fediverse.
Wow, they really do that? I’ve been out of the loop. After DOGE got everyone’s social security information, ICE probably already has me on a list, which has made me think less about internet privacy in the last few months 🤷♀️
But I’m not surprised at all. Reddit has never really cared about user privacy.
Everybody is on a list. But a list of ip addresses visiting trans subreddits would be amazing for ICE.
Lemmy doesn’t log IP addresses, and lbz doesn’t require email addresses to register (though that can make resetting passwords challenging). If you’re on lbz and you’ve registered with an email address, you’re free to remove it if you have any concerns!
I have a pretty aggressive ad blocking and reddit, YouTube, etc. Don’t like that. Also, I dumped most of the social media that explicitly spies on you or implemented policies that LGBTQ+ and immigrant hate speech is excluded from their moderation topics and thus allowed. That all was motivation enough for me.
I do still often need to see some posts for information that is only there for the most part. So I use the LibRedirect plugin for Firefox/Ironfox so i don’t have to log in for read-only purposes.
How do you kick the Reddit habit?
I’ve got banned… reason: transphobia :(
I miss my r/4tran4 :( so so so much :(-
