So basically how to operate in most of the jobs I’ve ever had
Great lessons for the underpaid and overworked workforce though.
My mom was barely there on medication and my father just wasn’t. It was cool to be able to do whatever I wanted, but I had to make sure Mom fell asleep on her side.
Unfortunately as the post said, atleast two of those things are actually useful skills
No one is going to react to the fact that they have a furry pfp and their handle is “BugCatcherWill”?
I get that people are eager to air their grievances with their parents, but do you really think this guy is talking about the same thing you are? Methinks there’s a good reason their parents kept a close eye on them.
Btw, for the happily unaware: The term “Bug catching” does generally not refer to catching insects, he’s not an entomologists. The bugs he’s catching are the kind you do not want to catch, if you catch my drift.
Neat thing that you know, there!
I had a wonderful combination of “strict” but also “there aren’t actually rules.”
I could have handled even unreasonable expectations if they had been communicated. But there was no structure at all.
I could ask permission to do something, do it, and then have that permission retroactively revoked. I could have an entirely normal day without anything seeming off, then be grounded for a week because there were dishes in the sink or something.
It never made any sense.
Btw, is there any laws against pissing on a grave, just wanna prepare for when my parents die.
If anyone catches you, just explain your parents were depraved and totally into that kinda thing, so you’re honoring them in a way they’d appreciate.
Only if you get caught.
If it is your own parents grave I’m fairly certain you can claim you were mourning and had to go
There’s a difference between strict and abusive.
Your own judgement.
I once cut a small artery above my left elbow right before I left work (We were young and just fucking around) Cant remember my exact age, probably late 16 early 17. I took my undershirt off and tied it around my arm to try to slow the bleeding while I drove home. The blood goes threw the shirt, and is all over the inside car door, seatbelt and created a puddle on my pants in the creases because they were those Dickies work pants that are water resistant. When I got out of the car I heard the blood splat on the ground so I figured it was to much. Went inside tied yarn tightly above it and wrapped an old shirt again around it to replace that one as I didn’t have any superglue. I spent the hours of 330am-630am crawling in circles around the house with 2 bottles of resolve, paper towels and wet rags in a bucket trying to clean blood drops off the carpets and floors from when I walked in. The entire time dropping more blood in a near endless cleanup chain with only one thought on my mind. My mother is going to fucking kill me for getting blood on her carpets. At 630 (they open at 7), dizzy as all get out from lack of sleep and blood loss I got back in my car to drive to the clinic just hoping no one pulled me over or I passed out driving. I got there with a blood soaked rag wrapped around my arm and the lady handed me a 2 page clipboard to fill out and I remember staring at her with an expression that clearly said, can’t I fill this out while he stitches my arm? Of course not, so 5 minutes later I hand her a clip board mostly free of blood and paperwork that says I have no insurance.
The clinic doctor was great. Told him I had no insurance and couldn’t afford anesthetic and asked if he could just do it without. He cleaned it a bit, poked me with a needle of some kind and put in 7 or so stitches. Then marked it down as a consult or something, so I wasn’t charged with any of the items he needed/used. (Like $40 for the visit)
I’ll always remember that guy. Moral/point of the story though… If you are less afraid of bleeding to death than you are to ask your parents for help, your parents might be abusive as opposed to strict.
That’s a perfect example of where it isn’t strict, it’s abuse. Or at least right on the border.
Also, damn. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m just glad you found a doc that handled things right.
That is nowhere near the border. If your kid rather bleeds out than facing you because they got some blood on the carpet you’re far in abusive territory
Both are dumb as shit
Strict is bad enough.
Strict is only “bad” when the structure is bad.
Being strict about not playing with fire is a good thing. Being strict about never going near a campfire is, at best neutral, and could be bad when taken to an extreme. Being strict about never going camping is bad.
Strict only means keeping rules in place. It doesn’t mean you can’t be flexible, that you can’t adjust rules as the kid ages and matures. It definitely doesn’t mean the rules have to be arbitrary and can’t be explained and discussed.
You think being strict about a kid not using racial slurs is a bad thing?
Or making them see a doctor regularly and as needed?
Or that they bathe?
The list of things that can’t be negotiable is very long if you go into detail.
The list of things that can’t be negotiable at a given level of age and maturity isn’t short either.
Strict doesn’t have to be done badly at all. It’s just that uncompromising strictness is the opposite end of a slider from utter laissez faire. Which has just as many flaws.
There’s a reason that authoritative is the usual recommended goal; it’s being strict when necessary, and loose when not. But “strict” is part of that. Strict is making sure that there’s a reliable structure a kid can build a foundation of self on. It’s the walls of the sandbox and the sheet of material under out that keeps weeds from poking through.
The sandbox of development is the freedom to play within those boundaries. It doesn’t have to mean all noes, or all have tos.
Strict is, “you’ll do your homework because it’s part of the process of learning. When do you want to do it, and what can I do to help?”
Abusive is “you’ll do your homework or I’ll beat your ass”, and then beating their ass as the first and only option.
Being strict with a few select things is fine. Being a strict parent is not. That means being strict with everything.
Well, no, it doesn’t mean that. That is one meaning out of a solid eight or nine, depending on what dictionary you use.
Also, seems like you’re being pretty strict about what it and isn’t strict. If you’re that inflexible about that, what else are you inflexible about?
Yes it does mean that. People who call themselves strict parents are happy to have power over their children in everything.
No idea why you try to change the topic. I am inflexible about a lot of things. About hitting children for example, shouldnt do that.
About politics. Shouldnt be a fascist.
About human rights. Shouldnt be questioned.
Dude. Whatever.
lol you asked. Now dont cry.
There is a difference between strict and abusive.
That’s literally what I said originally
This post is starting to make me think people say “strict” strictly as a euphemism.
What I think it means: The parents never bend the rules for their kids.
What it apparently means: The parents have anger problems.
Yeah, it’s a thing. Word usage varies. One range of the various usages of strict is adhering to, or enforcing adherence to, a set of rules. It can also mean that part of “strict” is enforcing discipline to maintain those rules.
Taken to its extreme, it edges into authoritarian behaviors. But the usual, more typical usage would be far less extreme.
As an example, ever hear of a strict vegetarian? That just means that don’t deviate from the diet. That’s it.
The problem comes in when the usage of it as unnecessary, arbitrary, and cruel enforcement of rules for their own sake takes over. There are plenty of abusive people that would call themselves strict, despite violating boundaries and social mores in the process, which means they’re just pretending.
But there is a difference between a kid being tightly supervised and abuse. There’s an even bigger difference for having expectations for a kid’s behavior and activity and abuse. Both of those are strict, but not abuse.
The key to that difference is usually in how boundaries are handled. You also get different outcomes, and if the methodology being used isn’t adjusted to the individual kid, it’s often going to feel abusive no matter what the intent is.
Not all kids are going to respond the same way to any parenting methodology. Twins can even respond differently. So you absolutely have to be ready to adjust what you’re strict about and how that’s applied if you want to stay in line with the right balance of structure, support, and freedom. What one kid thrives with, the next may utterly reject and be harmed in the attempt.
The problem is it’s often difficult to admit you had abusive parents, and abusive parents love to describe themselves as just strict. So yeah it’s kinda a euphemism
Also, when you are raised with abuse then it is hard to recognize abuse.
Oof, that’s a sobering realization.
Yeah. And a lot of parental abuse happens in gray areas and with good intentions. Sure you have obvious cases, and they’re common enough I’d suspect most people know someone or another who was a victim to one. But there’s a hell of a lot of parents projecting their fears, traumas, or other issues relating to their kids onto them hard enough to fuck them up.
What is strict? When I was a kid that was a wooden spoon or a belt. Across the backside or hands. As well as a long list of chores. The strap still hung on the wall of the principal’s office at school as a warning but didn’t get used anymore. Mostly suspensions and expulsions were the flavor of the day.
I got called a strict parent on Lemmy not so long ago because we limit screen time in our house to an hour a day with some exceptions. Our kids walk to town alone at 10 years old though (2 km one way) and have the knowledge and awareness to manage on their own. We trust them and they in turn make mostly good choices. They are kids after all.
I got paddled once at school in 6th grade (this was in the '70s when they still did that shit). Two whacks for talking during class or maybe it was because my desk was messy. The teacher let me choose between two paddles (an evil all by itself) and I foolishly chose the one with holes drilled in it (which leads to greater whack speed and less surface area hit). She took me out in the hall and her first blow missed badly - hit me on my hamstrings behind my knees and they kept hurting for days. She said “oh that one doesn’t count” and hit me on my ass twice more.
Weirdly enough, she had marched with Martin Luther King Jr. during the civil rights era and played his “I Have a Dream” speech for the class (not on the say day as my paddling, though).
Is it unusual for 10 year old kids to walk around alone where you are from? Its quite old to just atart with that here. Many kids go to school alone from first grade onwards.
Yes It’s unusual for parents to allow their ten year old kids to walk that far alone in our rural area and spend hours away unsupervised in a busy tourist town. It never used to be but the influence of American society via tv radio movies and more inundating people in Canada every day has certainly changed opinions like this. We got phone calls when they were little playing outside in the yard on their own. A coyote was going to eat them. Now we get calls that someone will kidnap them. It’s rather ridiculous. There have been decades of cop shows and news reports telling folks people are bad. Now they really believe that.
Thats so sad
Also, strict doesn’t necessarily equal bad in the first place
Perfect training for a lifetime of unfulfilling work for insecure bosses!
A girl I knew in high school had parents that didn’t let her do very much. She got pregnant her first semester of undergrad. I think she also experimented with some drugs, but I don’t have first hand knowledge of that, just rumors.
Ok but tbf those are all great skills to have
Our parents used to lock up the TV, their room, and food. Guess who got really good at breaking into things and making it look like anything was amiss
Add subterfuge and sneaking and it’s ninja training
They’re not unlike law enforcement, in that regard.
Unrelated (probably), but i just researched this and want to tell people:
- The US Army & National Guard has a combined troop strength of around 1 Million soldiers. source They are typically under federal control or can be “activated” (in the case of the National Guard) to be put under federal control.
- The US has a total number of police officers & law enforcement of, also, around 1 Million. source Most of them are under state & local control.
I’m saying this because i have been wondering, in case states try to secede and trump sends all troops he commands to the states to stop them from doing so, what would be the likely outcome.
Sorry, it’s a bit off-topic here, but the US situation is on my mind a lot these days.
Depends on how many states we’re talking about and their geographic distribution. 1M isn’t enough to hold the whole country. It probably can’t even hold New York City. It could probably hold New Hampshire.
Current US military doctrine suggests you need 1 soldier for every 3 people you’re trying to occupy. This is especially true when you have to assume every civilian is a potentially armed insurrectionist, and the US has a lot of guns in civilian hands. That said, fascists tend to throw out hard won wisdom like this, and tells the army they aren’t trying hard enough. For as much as they drone on about how they’re a bunch of tough guys, they are complete shit at actually fighting a war. Here’s a former US Army intelligence officer talking about the numbers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyBIqRunQ5Y
Oh, and while the existing military might follow orders to take over states “in rebellion”, they’re going to be doing a lot of malicious compliance. The way they did Trump’s birthday parade proves it. They 100% phoned it in on purpose.
One of the side effects of Trump trying to move so fast is that he doesn’t have time to purge the military and refill it with loyalists. That would take over a decade. Stalin did that to disastrous effect; the Winter War was only a technical win with catastrophic losses, and the later German invasion was barely held back. Hitler didn’t really try to purge the Wehrmacht, with the Night of the Long Knives being mostly a purge of their own SS people.
Trump therefore has to rely on already loyal people with guns, which is mostly ICE, local sheriffs, and police. None of them are big enough to hold the whole country, either, or even a major state.
yeah we’re all thinking about that
That’s not strict, that’s abusive.
My parents were strict about things that didn’t matter. They taught swear words and being gay was bad but never taught me anything about surviving life or making money or managing hobbies or anything having to do with self growth or independence.
They limited my ability to grow. Along with society at the time and then blamed me when for it when I became an adult and was socially dysfunctional.
It’s weird… If you’re not teaching your kids no one really is. They’ll end up learning from entertainment or people taking advantage of them. But still people have kids like it’s a set it and forget it process and then blame the kid/person for not knowing x thing.
I’m having the exact same issue. Never taught me any life skills. My mum was told by the GP to get me tested for aspergers (as it was then) when I was 15, and she sat on that for over 10 years. Meanwhile I grew up hating myself for not being able to do things that my peers could. Things got worse when I had to get a job and I didn’t have the social knowledge to pass interviews. My self esteem got worse, my anxiety ruled my life. I would keep attracting men who treated me like dirt and I couldn’t let go because I was so desperate for someone to love and accept me.
She passed away three months ago and now my dad wants to kick me out and I have no freaking idea how to survive in the adult world. I don’t know how to go about renting or setting up utilities, I struggle with navigation so my fear of getting lost stops me going places. I’m going to have to leave London because I can’t afford a place here. All I get is, when are you moving out? Dad wants to sell the house. It’s not fair to deprive your sisters of their share of the house. No offers of help. No acknowledgement that decades of my mum wrapping me in cotton wool and controlling me has left me dysfunctional.
Similar story here. It really sucks to feel like I’m still learning how to be a functional adult. I hope you keep making progress and celebrate all the little victories along the way.
Religious?
My dad was on point with religion. Partially maybe “got”. An ex alcoholic etc… but he is somewhat down to earth.
My mom didn’t/doesn’t understand spirituality …i don’t think. It’s just raw religious power. Her Mom was my babysitter for the first 6 years of my life. I wasn’t allowed to watch Nickelodeon. I think I vaguely remember not being able to watch sesame street. She would talk about angels.
I don’t disagree with her now… Nickelodeon and sesame Street is bullshit. But I don’t think I wouldn’t let a kid watch it or call it evil like if you watched it you’d go to hell… Ide teach them that it’s marketed ideology being taught, or at least try…
But as a kid. Maybe 8 or 9 I didn’t realize it absolutely at the time but I was gay curious. I told myself I would kill myself because from my environment I knew that was wrong. I always told myself at least by the time I graduated highschool I would kms. Graduation came… I found weed and alcohol… So I stayed alive. I said… At 21 I will kill myself. My 21st b day came. I got stoned and drank till I was wasted and hated every moment of it. I stayed alive. I’ll kms when I’m 25 I said. I turned 25… Same story… Weed and alcohol… underground interest…
I’m almost 40 now. And life gets more fucked … But now I dgaf. Fuck this place.
I’ve put a noise around my neck and tightened it till I pass out.
Everyday it looks more real that you m not crazy and American life might be a hell for humanity.
Holy crap m’man! Same!
