Yeah. I started therapy for “anger management” (I got so frustrated at unmet needs that I bent a fork in half at a restaurant, which caused my still-boyfriend to urge me into therapy).
Two months in, my mom visited and was flagrantly awful in ways I couldn’t emotionally repress. That helped my therapist zero in on the real issue and forced me to recognize it as well.
My pocketbook is poorer but my non-relationship with my mom is much healthier. Oh! And I now am much better able to recognize my unmet needs and meet them before I bend a fork.
Way to go with meeting your needs! I know how hard that is - my mom also trained me to put myself second, and treats me as an extension of herself. I recently (within the last year) realized that not only do I not reach out for help when I need it, but I don’t even recognize when I need help. It took my old manager seeing I was stressed and saying she wanted to help me, but that she’s “not a mind-reader” and I have to actually ask her for it, for me to step back and realize that my approach isn’t typical. It turns out I’m so accustomed to having to go through shit entirely by myself, that the thought that somebody else might be able to help doesn’t even occur to me.
By coincidence, guess who dismissed me as a child anytime I went to her for help? Yep, dear ol’ Mommy, telling me shit like “you’re just too sensitive” and “the bullies won’t remember [that awful rumor they made up and are currently spreading against me] years from now.” Mmhmm, surefire solutions right there that definitely demonstrate concern and understanding of my issues.
Yeah. I started therapy for “anger management” (I got so frustrated at unmet needs that I bent a fork in half at a restaurant, which caused my still-boyfriend to urge me into therapy).
Two months in, my mom visited and was flagrantly awful in ways I couldn’t emotionally repress. That helped my therapist zero in on the real issue and forced me to recognize it as well.
My pocketbook is poorer but my non-relationship with my mom is much healthier. Oh! And I now am much better able to recognize my unmet needs and meet them before I bend a fork.
Way to go with meeting your needs! I know how hard that is - my mom also trained me to put myself second, and treats me as an extension of herself. I recently (within the last year) realized that not only do I not reach out for help when I need it, but I don’t even recognize when I need help. It took my old manager seeing I was stressed and saying she wanted to help me, but that she’s “not a mind-reader” and I have to actually ask her for it, for me to step back and realize that my approach isn’t typical. It turns out I’m so accustomed to having to go through shit entirely by myself, that the thought that somebody else might be able to help doesn’t even occur to me.
By coincidence, guess who dismissed me as a child anytime I went to her for help? Yep, dear ol’ Mommy, telling me shit like “you’re just too sensitive” and “the bullies won’t remember [that awful rumor they made up and are currently spreading against me] years from now.” Mmhmm, surefire solutions right there that definitely demonstrate concern and understanding of my issues.
Why yes, I am still bitter, why do you ask?
Thanks and I’m glad you’re on a similar journey. Well, not glad you had to start the journey, but glad you’re progressing on it.
I have grief for the mother I didn’t have, but it’s ok.
That’s awesome.