Im in yippieee mode rn, in spite of recent events. Or because of them. I really connected with my autism these last few days. Being in autism communities really showed me what it looked like for me. I love connecting with my autism and discover parts of myself that weren’t that apparent to me or i didn’t know about.

Through the r/autism incident i learned about my strong sense of justice and my commitment to do things that are right to me, like pushing through for something i believe is right. I couldn’t sit and watch something as heinous as that which happened there and even though I was fighting alone i was relentless on calling out the indifference of the mods there. I pushed through, lost sleep, got picked apart, got my posts taken down and i was still uploading them even though it was obvious i was gonna lose, i still pushed through bc i was hoping people would pick up on it and realize what happened was unacceptable. The mods didn’t scare me, the bans didn’t scare me and when i got banned i was angry that there were no results, bc they got away with something that damages autistic people and i find it utterly infuriating, but as i metabolized this event i realized this, and after a long time, i feel proud of myself.

I also wanted to touch upon stimming, which is my favorite part of autism. I love stimming, even now I’m stimming as i write this. It just feels me with joy and happiness and whenever i can, i go stim stim like a steam train. I was thinking about how the word stim reminds me of a steam train, maybe bc of the assonance. Which reminded me when i was on a steam train in Switzerland as a kid i was singing imitating the sound of the train i was going “choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo” for the whole trip and i think it’s one of my best memories.

Remember the post i made about echolalia? These days i realized that everytime my cats meow i meow back at them imitating their pitch, or i just say a string of things i say over and over again, but i don’t do it with people in front of me. The other day i was on my vespa going to uni and i was repeating a specific scene from the sopranos season 6 episode 1, where they’re digging in uncle jun’s yard looking for some money he believed was there and keeps repeating “forty thousand i had, my share from the (idk what he says here) from the 70s”, and even though i was kinda trying out the scene to sound as accurate to the actors as possible but i just kept repeating it over and over again. so yeah, i have external echolalia, i figured it out today

What else? i can’t think of anything else. I’m happy! happy! happy, i like the word happy! Right now I’m happy to be autistic, bc it feels so much fun to me, all the little quirks i have, i embrace them. I’m happy to be me after all this time.

Thank you