WASHINGTON—Grumbling to himself as he repeatedly dropped the device, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly blowing into a Breathalyzer Thursday in an attempt to unlock his phone. “Stupid fucking judge made me put this on my iPhone,” said the head of the nation’s largest government agency, snapping his fingers to get the attention […]
I had an app that made me solve a simple polynomial equation to unlock my phone between 22-7am because I was taking ambien at the time and I didn’t want to risk it.
That could work, but we’d have to find a problem that hegseth can actually solve sober.