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  • Thornburywitch@aussie.zoneEnglish
    0·
    18 days ago

    I’m putting this under a NSFW, as it may be triggering for some of us. Concerns a situation that I’ve become aware of at work. I’m not sure I have all the details either. But there’s a moral dilemma here that I would welcome some feedback on.

    messy divorce case

    A really messy divorce case. Husband accused by wife of child abuse, which he denies. Kids (2 aged 6 & 9) have been examined by psychs and doctors and don’t show signs of abuse. Barring a claim by the elder child that Dad won’t let him have more than one fizzy drink per day. Both kids are scared shitless of their mum, who is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic who refuses to take medication. When in her custody, kids have twice taken themselves down to the Salvos begging for shelter overnight. Kids now in husband’s custody exclusively, and doing well in school.

    Wife has sprayed accusations of child abuse across several forms of social media targeting : 1) husband, 2) her dentist, 3) kids’ doctor, 4) her doctor, 5) two teachers at the kids’ school, 6) four of her neighbours. All ‘targets’ have been investigated by the police specialist unit, and all except one have been cleared of any such crimes.

    However, the dentist, doctors, and the teachers have all been sacked from their place of employment, and the dentist’s wife has been forcefully requested to resign from her tennis club and other social groups. And none were re-instated when the accusations turned out not to have any evidence supporting them.

    One neighbour is still under investigation, but the others have been cleared. I don’t know if there’s been any further effects on them.

    Given that several of the accused persons have suffered very real financial and social harm from accusations that may never be truly forgotten so long as the web exists. And they will be under suspicion for the rest of their lives and probably their families as well. Even though they’ve been cleared of wrongdoing.

    Question for the DT hive mind : should the wife (who is clearly a very damaged person) be sued for libel/damages for her accusations? Has she committed a crime here? Should she get some sort of penalty for making false accusations? Or should she get off scot free because she’s mentally ill and presumably not in full control of her actions?

    Yes I’ve muddied up some of the details for privacy reasons, but the basic dynamics are as accurate as I can make them.

    • Seagoon_@aussie.zone
      0·
      18 days ago

      However, the dentist, doctors, and the teachers have all been sacked from their place of employment, and the dentist’s wife has been forcefully requested to resign from her tennis club and other social groups. And none were re-instated when the accusations turned out not to have any evidence supporting them.

      The employers should be sued.

      fuck the clubs,

      should the wife (who is clearly a very damaged person) be sued for libel/damages for her accusations?

      Yes. This will create a big paper trail so that any future victims of her slander have a defense. It might also force her to get treatment/committed

      • SituationCake@aussie.zone
        0·
        18 days ago

        Yes that’s a good take, the employers need to be held accountable for unfair dismissals. Perhaps the affected people could investigate their rights through fair work Australia or one of those law firms that specialise in this kind of stuff.

    • Duenan@aussie.zone
      0·
      18 days ago

      I don’t know what avenues are there but as someone who works in education, if I was ever accused of those things my career would be over and I would probably never get a job in the education sector ever again even if it was found everything was false as my reputation would be be in tatters within the community.

      That’s just my take on things and what has been reiterated to me if I was ever accused of sexual misconduct with a minor in my work environment whether it was true or not.

      If there was any action to take it would be loss of income, defamation issues and all future income from not being employable, I would pursue if there was a righteous case and damages to be won in compensation for not being employable.

      • Seagoon_@aussie.zone
        0·
        18 days ago

        This is why I do not like accusations in the media.

        It sets up a precedence of the public acting on accusation

        rather than belief in innocence before guilty and using the law courts to obtain justice.

        and abuse is serious, very serious, that’s why we need to treat accusations and victims seriously and with thought

        but there are still people who think Johnny Depp abused Amber Heard, even after she was found guilty of defamation.

    • Pilk@aussie.zone
      0·
      18 days ago

      Morally, I think she should be held accountable.

      Practically, I think the biggest consideration is actually how willing they would be to undertake the expense, effort and time involve in the legal process. Does she have much in the way of cash/assets to even pursue? Would a win actually reinstate employment? Those are the kind of questions I’d be asking.

      • Thornburywitch@aussie.zoneEnglish
        0·
        18 days ago

        No assets that I know of. I’m conflicted between doing no further harm to a very vulnerable person, and the rank terminally-stupid injustice done to the innocent accused.

    • Llabyrinthine@aussie.zone
      0·
      18 days ago

      I agree with Catfish regarding public record. It’s a difficult situation, because this is probably one of the few accusations in life that can one can never truly wash off, as awful as it is.

      (I guess it’s up to the individual. I would probably want to if it were me, but I’d also want to weigh up the costs. Would it be worth it in the end after all that has already happened? Or would I just want to move on and put it all behind me?)

      How far do we split the moral hair, so to speak? Would she have done those things still if she was medicated? What level mental illness excuses harm (which I guess is what the law decides)? Is it possible the medication could have prevented this happening in the first place?

    • Catfish@aussie.zone
      0·
      18 days ago

      This needs to be pursued. A public record of the falsity will be significant in preventing future damage caused by misconceptions. Probably don’t expect monetary recompense, she may be Judgement Proof in that regard, but the ruling is worth much more.

    • Bottom_racer@aussie.zone
      0·
      18 days ago

      Jeez that is messy.

      I’m not sure of the process but I’d try and get the posts removed (if they haven’t been already).

    • TinyBreak@aussie.zone
      0·
      18 days ago

      sued for libel/damages for her accusations?

      Yes!

      Has she committed a crime here?

      Thats for a court to decide

      Should she get some sort of penalty for making false accusations?

      In my opinion ABSOLUTELY! you can run about destroying peoples lives and get away with it. Illness or not.

      Or should she get off scot free because she’s mentally ill and presumably not in full control of her actions?

      Fuck no! I’m deeply sorry for her troubles, but those people shouldn’t suffer due to false accusations. its not about her suffering, its about the victims being about to point to a court verdict and say “I am not, nor was I EVER a child abuser”.

    • StudSpud The Starchy@aussie.zoneEnglish
      0·
      18 days ago

      Having experience with this, as some of you may know, yes she should be held accountable.

      Those accusations hurt my dad to the point he was drinking himself to death. He was able to pull himself out of it successfully. It also ruins the relationship between children and parent.

      While she may believe the accusations and truly thinks abuse happened, she needs to be institutionalised, and held accountable for her accusations. They are serious crimes to accuse someone of, and despite no evidence to suggest the accused did anything at al, it will still utterly ruin their lives. With the internet these days, even the innocent will have an extremely difficult time with their future jobs and relationships. They will be seen as untrustworthy at the very least.

      However, with all that said, there is a very real chance that none of that will help her. It’s still ultimately up to her to recognise her disordered thoughts and understand that she needs serious mental health help. Schizophrenia is insidious, especially in women, and just alters their reality to the point that it is almost impossible for outsiders (be it family or partners) to help, especially if it’s paranoid schizophrenia or religious-based (as is the case with my mum).

      I have sympathy for the woman, but it just isn’t right to go around accusing everyone of doing that heinous shite.

      I feel for the children and father in this, and the people who have lost their jobs because of this.

    • SituationCake@aussie.zone
      0·
      18 days ago

      What a mess. I feel sorry for everyone involved in this story. I don’t know enough about the law to know if she has committed any crimes, under what laws? But if there’s a chance for the wrongly accused people to clear their reputations and get some compensation for their lives being disrupted then they should pursue it. The wife may not even understand she had done anything wrong and may not understand any penalties, and it certainly won’t cure her, so legal action probably wouldn’t have any affect on her thoughts or future behaviours. It’s purely for the benefit of the victims.

  • just_kitten@aussie.zone
    0·
    18 days ago

    I am done for the day, sadly later than I’d hoped as I did not pick up the pace much in the afternoon. Now I must battle the tennis crowds to get out of here. So hungry. Might have a pizza tomorrow as a treat

    • StudSpud The Starchy@aussie.zoneEnglish
      0·
      18 days ago

      Joy for the world, the banks are dead
      Let earth be rid of them
      The cost of living crisis
      Home and loans denied us
      To hell with finance bros
      To hell with finance bros

      • Taleya@aussie.zoneEnglish
        0·
        18 days ago

        nooo bankaust are a good guy and also they have all my money. I kinda need them

  • bacon@aussie.zone
    0·
    19 days ago

    Beep Beep 🚚
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  • CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone
    0·
    19 days ago

    I bought lamington fingers. I’ve eaten 2. Now I have to decide how many to freeze and how many to put in the fridge. Fuck life is tough.

  • Seagoon_@aussie.zone
    0·
    18 days ago

    I have just deleted at least 25 useless reddit subs , so many cat subs but also including subs like melbs etc. That place is mostly a big time waster.

  • tone212_@aussie.zone
    0·
    19 days ago

    I was at the tennis last night, watching a five-set match that went until midnight. Great match but I am so exhausted today. Also I made my TV debut apparently, a friend messaged to tell me they saw me on TV. It’s not because I was doing anything noteworthy to be one of the fans they show for a split second between points, but the person next to me was. The camera guy was parked near where I was sitting and couldn’t help himself. I do not consent!

  • Seagoon_@aussie.zone
    0·
    18 days ago

    ta da, tried on an old pair of jeans and they fit again 🙂 now to get into even smaller jeans and pants , maybe even some blouses that are way too tight

  • Baku@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
    0·
    18 days ago

    I got bad family news in early November. Another death. It was somebody else that I never got to meet, but was directly and quite closely related to me

    I’ve been thinking about it for a few months, and have even brought it up with my psych, but nothing’s really helped. It’s weird because I know that I’m meant to feel something, and indeed do feel something, but it’s unidentifiable and not overwhelming emotion

    Apparently 2 days before he died, he tried to get in contact with me through child protection. Because of bureaucracy, I didn’t find out about it until over 2 weeks later. That made it worse. Nobody knows what the message was, but trying to contact me was one of the last things he ever did :/

    • SituationCake@aussie.zone
      0·
      18 days ago

      So sorry to hear that. I’ve also had the experience of finding out direct relatives I’ve never met had died. I never feel anything except maybe a curiosity about who they may have been, would we have got along. But nothing more personal. They were a stranger. I don’t think sharing DNA means anything, really. It’s knowing people and interacting that has meaning. But also, I never had any expectation that we would ever meet, so that probably affects my take on things. Knowing you closely missed out on a meeting would be more difficult. There would a sense of loss if it were me. Hope you can work through it and feel OK.

      • Baku@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
        0·
        18 days ago

        Thanks cake, I appreciate it ♥️

        Another layer of complexity is that I honestly don’t know if I would’ve accepted, had I gotten the message earlier. Obviously if I knew I’d soon lose the opportunity, I would, but otherwise, it would’ve taken a lot of rationalising and deciding, and maybe months before I would have made a decision. And I probably would’ve chosen not to meet or contact him

        There’s some other familial stuff going on to where even now I don’t know if his intentions were good, what sort of person he was or life he led, and if it was a genuine request, or intended to cause drama. That adds a bit of guilt for thinking that way