Our DnD discord group has a whole ass ‘out of context’ channel. Best decision we’ve ever made, granted half of them is my character, the party clown. Here are some other bangers over the years:
- “She knows how to ride a clippity clop.”
- “Ah so you want it so when you die there’s a magical turfwar over your body.”
- “the horse is a horse…i dont think he understands the concepts”
- “It’s not Delivery, it’s Human Trafficking!”
- “Don’t tell my dad I died for toenails”
- “It’s pulsating. It shouldn’t be because it’s a fucking rock.”
- “Jesus Christ! I mean… Bahamut Jr!”
- “There was a scary forest!” “SCARY FOREST IS NOT AN ANSWER”
- “That’s Renn! He’s like a dead squirrel.”
- “Who wants to do coke with the illithid?”
- “I agree, other voice in my head.”
- “When a corpse bee and another corpse bee love each other and don’t dance…”
- “I emotionally abuse you and you bring me waffles. Thanks babe.”
- “Does your house have a garden?” “Probably.”
- “Should I go… unwhisk it?”
- “I heard it from the Oracle Beyoncé.”
- “HOW DO YOU LISTEN TO AN EAR?!”
- “I’m sorry Renn, I love you, but fuck the rich.”
- “I forgot that we have one brain cell in the party and it currently blinked away.”
- “We can have one little terrorism. As a treat.”
- “Hey, it’s not our fault this Earth Elemental is made of door.”
- “Roll a d20.” “10.” “…fuck.” “Does that fuck up your plans or mine? (Panicking)” “Yours.” “…fuck!”
- “If you would be inclined for a little adventure today, would you mind following me? Oh and it’s mandatory because I’ve already made arrangements.”
- “Can we just like acknowledge that she just did the anime “Oh ho ho ho!” laugh when you called her out on that?”
- “You ripping peoples faces off, that’s entirely on you. Get some help.”
- “I’m-uh-w-Lady… I’m not above hitting a woman.”
- “I have cocaine, does that count?”
- You ate a goodberry so you should be full for the rest of the day" “True” “Well you can be full and a fatass” “Just shut up and play your silly little game with your silly little characters and don’t come for me like that”
- “Does a 26 hit?” “… fuck you.”.
- “Why doesn’t Misty have a mustache?”
- “No matter who you play you gotta either fuck with his body or his heart!”
- “The undead not dead thing is right” “Please call me Renn” “I’ll never remember that” “It’s literally shorter”
- “Why must I be surrounded by lesbians? … I fear your kind.” (For the record this was said by both a gay character and player)
- “Can I pick up Renn? He’s a twink, right?”
- “You’re a second rate duelist with a third rate meal”
- “Just gives me the confidence that she would choke me”
Okay sorry I ended up pasting way more in than I expected… I just love this group and don’t get to share these with anyone. Just such ridiculous nonsense.
Edit: Also I just remembered. I actually do have the context for that ‘no no thing’ line. That one is mine from my 7’2 barbarian aarakocra jokey boy. We recorded parts of sessions and caught the no no thing bit. Here if you wanna listen to it. although I don’t blame you the slightest if you don’t.
I’ve also got a stupidly long soundcloud clip of highlights from a game a couple months ago here. It includes a bunch of the quotes pasted above.
Check out [email protected] for more!
We play over, whatever video conference program Google uses, it has auto transcription as a “service” (fuck you Google, but thanks for the ability to connect with friends I guess? Mind your own game business though please?)
When we take breaks sometime we read the logs and try to figure out what was actually said from the “transcript” it’s delightful in its incompetence, we sometimes find ourselves reading the chat logs more than rolling the dice.
“Birdie, I need a pipe bomb”
NPC: “It’s my job” Player: “everybody check your asses for bugs!”
“Why TF does it have thoughts, it’s not Rattatootoot”
(In the thickest Russian accent): “Still your fault, fuck you!”
“Fuck it, all the gnomes are French now, hon hon hon motherfucker”
P1: ”He checked my dick, my dick was fine” P2: ‘He sucked it dry it was so sublime’
”Can I store things in the dog?”
NPC: “Where are you going to get a baby dragon?” Player: “We’re going to make one”
Man, we ended up setting up a wiki for all the ones from my last campaign… it’s down at the moment, but here are a few I have saved on my phone:
“My companions and I are professional adventurers” “Some of us more professional than others…”
“For no sexy reason, what does the pope look like?”
“Also, I’m not doing terrible! But I definitely just got stabbed.”
Bard: “No, this is wholesome [Bard] moment! Anyway, how much money do you have?”
Sorcerer: “[Ranger], we are about to do some wacky-ass magic” Ranger: “In that case, I would like to watch it from over there.” Sorcerer: “I will not be doing it. I will be joining you.”
GM: “Divine and wild magic start pouring into and it’s likeHave you ever licked a battery?”
GM: “Divine, chaos, and dragon magic flows through you—” Bard: “And bardic from the inspiration!” Ranger: “Oh I can add some ranger nature!” Sorcerer: “And I have one that can help! I cast minor illusion to make a “do not disturb” sign.”
“If I take one more step, it’ll be the furthest I’ve ever been from home…” “You didn’t even have to step.” “If I take one more interdimensional vortex…”
“Your left or my left? You’re an orb.” “I am.”
“Float like a flowerpot, sting like a school bus.”
“it’s not a nuke, is just a AOE building remover”
“we need a bigger nuke”
@nothacking @Stamets @rpgmemes
Thats just dnd in general right there
I take the boner pills.
“I’m going to walk back to the lake to have an existential crisis. Oh and on the way I cast Polymorph and turn our Ranger into a spider.”
- “there are no werewolves in the god damn park”
- “Fuck you I’m going to the Prince for this”…“ow hey why are you hitting me!?”
- “This has been a weirdly sexual night”
- “The sword of Cain has fallen and it fell where it pleased!”
- “If you do that you’re gonna have to drop your alignment to chaotic evil”
- “Turns out i can afford a rocket launcher”
“How is this bow cursed? We built it ourselves… with sinew from a drow… that we tortured to death. Yeah, okay. It’s cursed.”
My Drow Ranger is seething rn
My character hasn’t noticed the living bushes and decides to take his morning shit behind them
DM: not sure if I should count this as an attack
This isn’t strictly no context, but it blew me away and I wanted to share it anyway.
I started D&D with the family over quarantine. They had a quest to clear the goblins out of a mine. They got inside and dealt with most of them. They over powered three of them and tied them up, so that they could be interrogated.
My 9 year old then decides he wants to murder them.
Our faces when we realised our child was a murderhobo.
Fuck you, Kim. Respectfully.
- “I think that Ashenthroat guy might be a Dragon in disguise”
- “Kill it!!! But don’t hurt it, awwww.”
- “Don’t worry GM, I wont make you improvise info on every single soldier NPC. - Ok, so you there, what’s your name and why are you here?”
- “If we take every hostile NPC we come across prisoner to await a 100% death-sentence, instead of killing them here and now, we’ll have to start building concentration camps soon and I don’t know if that’s actually better or worse.”
- “Maybe don’t kill the beast?” - “Too late, running now!”
- “Gentlemen, can’t we solve this peacefully?” - “Yes, of course, we’re always ready to talk. But only if it ends with you dead.” - “You seemed to have missed the point there.”
In a oneshot of Monster Of The Week:
“Did The OrganisationTM supply us with a flamethrower?”
What kind of two-bit good-for-nothing organization wouldn’t supply you with a flamethrower?
Ours.
Turns out the only fire damage we had in our stash was an enchanted dagger.
In retrospect, I should have asked for incendiary ammunition. Among the five of us, we had at least three with guns. Or taken a bit of gas for our car to turn into Molotov cocktails. Ah well, it was a oneshot that happened more than a year ago.
If all four of us work together we could drag the door.
Funny you should mention dragging a door, some friends and I managed to manifest a magical cart under some huge adamantine doors so we could cart them away. It was lovely.
