At first, Luu felt okay with the situation. Her relationship was the healthiest one she’d ever been in, and “we just felt like we were married from the get-go,” she says. They combined finances, and Luu took on more of the household chores. But as time went on, her feelings changed. “I love keeping a clean space, I love cooking, and I love doing the homely duties. But after a while of being the only person contributing [to the housework], it’s like, Damn, if I was making money, I could just be doing this on my own and not have to take care of someone else,” she says. “But you know, he was contributing financially. So then it’s like, How can I speak on that? That internal conflict just got stressful.”
People with common sense probably know this already, but the right wing obsession with “trad wife” or “stay at home mom” often do not work in real life.
On one hand, I like the way the article ends. On the other hand, I’m amazed that people need to be told these things.
“I know that not everyone’s gonna agree with me, but I want all women to be financially independent,” she says. “We live in America. Last I checked, it’s a capitalist society. If you don’t have money, you can’t do anything.”
YES. Don’t set yourself up to be a victim. Also, remember that if you’re unmarried but living off your partner, you have NO safety net. Working at the grocery store is nobody’s dream job, but at least it’s something. One of the defining characteristics of adulthood is being able to live independently. That needs to take priority over being in a relationship.
My ex long-term partner of 10 years went through a couple large spans of time where they couldn’t find work, and so ended up being stay-at-home. This wasn’t a huge problem for me because my income was enough to support the both of us pretty comfortably, but I knew they didn’t feel great about not finding work :/
We had a pretty serious disagreement at some point in their long period without work, and the night after that happened, I considered the possibility that they might feel like they’re being coerced into staying because they don’t have a way to leave without being made poor if they did.
We already had a shared checking and savings account, but I knew they probably wouldn’t feel comfortable pulling from that if they wanted to leave (even though they would be right to take some of it; it’s theirs too), so I set aside a few thousand dollars and sent that to a checking account that only they have access to. I told them that if they ever feel like they were staying for financial reasons that they can use that as a safety net to help with becoming financially independent. I wanted them to have something that only have access to or knowledge of so they could leave on their own terms if they ever needed to. It’s not perfect, but it would have covered rent and cost-of-living for them for a few months if it ever came to that.
That probably has the potential for the other person to take advantage of, but we were together for a long time before and after that, and when we did end things, it was mostly amicable, and I don’t regret setting up a no-questions-asked way of getting out in the least bit.
Good for you for being respectful to your partner. Hope more people in the world are like you.
Trad wife = Maid-mom-slave with benefits
I’m seriously appalled at how brainwashed a woman has to be to agree to something like that… and guys who dig it, are just sick abusive intellectual buffoon sociopaths.
Either form a partnership, or go watch some porn, FFS.
Surprised pikachu face. It’s almost as if you put yourself in this position. No one forced you to give up your job and take up more household work or combine finances. My actions have consequences ahhh post
You double posted this btw.
Oh sorry, sometimes when I hit post the website keeps loading and I am not sure if its completed or not. So I hit post again.
Using Firefox btw.
No need to apologise, just wanted to let you know. Yeah Lemmy can be dodgy sometimes.
Everyone needs a plan B I guess. Making yourself dependent on someone else is obviously not a path to independence.
In a lot of cases it’s not a choice. I’m in a relationship and live with someone I really love. However, I’m too disabled to work. (And disability insurance is basically nothing). So financially I’m completely dependent on my spouse.
There are plenty of women I know who are in similar situations to me.
(Note that I’m male, but this applies to all genders and sexes, except I’m guessing women are more at risk of dependence due to bias in medical systems and disability insurance systems against women and majority female diseases.)
Sure, it’s true that it’s often not a choice (although I don’t think that’s who this article is talking about).
There’s a lot I could say about this. I’m an accountant and see all of my clients personal / familial financial arrangements.
Very briefly, the law takes the view that any surplus wealth produced in the course of a romantic relationship belongs to both parties. Often / usually when a relationship ends both parties need to agree on how to split it up, but it’s quite common to be acting on that dynamic during the relationship and ensuring that the non-working spouse is building savings / investments in the same way that the working spouse is.
In Australia this means that if one spouse is not working and one spouse is, the working spouse might contribute to the non-working spouses pension fund (401k?)
Right! That is why we need strong social protection just in case things don’t work out!!
